Susan, the only solution is clearly to get a haircut. And a pedicure.

And no, I'm not kidding. It helps with the bone-deep blahs in the short term.

I thought we loved Hec FOR the flattery, and of course the spicy brains, and stuff, J. And for his fabulous musical generosity, hint, hint. Well, if I was already feeling put-out, and somebody asked me one. more. dumb. thing, I might feel like " Do you want me to chew it for you, too?" But I'm not nice.

I definitely need a haircut, but I'm hoping to get some freelance money first--I hate having to ask DH for money for a simple little thing like that! (See another source of my blues--no job yet=no money yet.)

Susan, it's been in the 90s and humid here for a couple of weeks, and I've been sick for 15 days, and Scott was sick for about 7 of those. I've been having a lot of pain walking, and picking up things like drinking glasses, for the last 5 days of it, and prior to that my kid was sick, and prior to that, I had back pain, and prior to that, my husband had horrific I-thought-it-was-a-heart-attack back pain. I never got to see my breast-cancer-survivor/in treatment for stage IIIB ovarian cancer having sister-in-law when she visited for 2 weeks, because I couldn't infect her, and I felt like shit. My mother is moving out of the house where I was conceived tomorrow, and selling it come Tuesday. We're broke, and we're having our house reroofed out of necessity (which means my kids haven't been outside in a few days), with money we should be using to pay off debt from updating the electrical. Both cars are having problems, and dh is having a lot of trouble at work.

My positive outlook is rotting in the backyard, waiting for us to bury it. And it'll have to wait, because I'm too sore to lift a shovel and dh will throw out his back if he tries.

You should feel no shame about asking for money for a cut. Consider it something you need to do before you can interview for any of the positions that will no doubt start calling you in the next week or two.

Well, if I lined up an interview, I would go get the cut, either with DH money or on a credit card, just so I could look professional enough. But it's a pride thing. I hate being so fucking dependent. And being a one-income family means that DH is putting such gargantuan chunks of his paychecks into paying the bills, and feeling the same frustration I do over not being able to do anything for himself, that I hate to ask for just another $30, please. Did I mention I hate being dependent?

Wow. I have never once thought of myself as being dependent on my husband or about our money being his money. I think I might have to stop reading this part.

P-C, that's pretty awesome stuff.

Can they use only one sea anemone to get the goods and then synthesize the rest from non-animal sources? Because that would make me really happy.

Well, I don't think I'd hate it if this had been the plan, and if DH's salary was a bit bigger and we'd decided the family division of labor would involve him making the money and me raising Annabel and working on my novels as a long-term career goal. But we knew all along that we couldn't get by on just his salary, so money has been painfully tight ever since Annabel was born. So I feel like such a failure over the freelance business, still, and I'm feeling like a fuck-up because no one has called me for an interview yet, so I can't even undo the consequences of my failure.

July/August, as I recall, is the worst time to look for work around these parts. Everyone's off doing stuff.

Did I mention I hate being dependent?

Gah, me too. I'm still working, but nowhere near enough hours, and I hate not having a nice bit of padding in my personal account. The bedrest and complications knocked our original plan for a loop, so I wasn't able to save up huge wads of dough while pregnant.