So my mom called this morning, and things seem to be a little less sucky. I told her I was going to be looking for some job here to support me, because at least I'd be making some money. She of course said that's why I should come home, so I wouldn't have to keep losing money. And I said I understood that, but I was staying here. She asked me how much I would make in a lab job, and I told her it didn't matter, I just needed to make any sort of money at all. And then she went into the umpteenth "Can you really make a living as a medical writer?" bit, and I explained to her for the umpteenth time that yes, they make good money, and I was going to work my way up to become a medical science liaison, and they make six bloody figures. I told her about a position I just saw today in San Francisco, and she gave me the number of a relative of mine who works in a pharmaceutical company over there.
She asked me if I'd talked to the realtor, and I explained about not being able to break the lease and having to find a subletter. I explained it twice, and she said she still didn't understand, so I finally said, "You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
I agreed to the ten-day vacation next week, and she mentioned checking out some of the pharmaceutical companies in North Carolina while we were there. And then she launched into a whole thing about wearing nice clothes because people judge you on your ratty clothes.
And finally, can you guess what we talked about?
I'll give you fourteen guesses, and the first thirteen don't count.
As my siblings had informed me, my parents did fear my insistence on staying here was due to a girl. I told my mom that no, that wasn't it, there were plenty of other reasons why one would want to stay here besides a girl. And then I discovered that the search for my wife had already begun. Like, there's this girl in Trinidad who's studying pharmacy or whatever, and she's smart, and that's all that matters, apparently, when finding a girl for me, and first they'll look here, and then they'll try looking in India, you can find good girls in India, and they'd prefer that I don't look, but if I do, she should be Gujarati, but see, I have to get married soon, before I'm 25, after I'm 25, it's hard to find a girl, look at all these other people older than 25 who are still single, so please be married by the time you're 25, please? I told her we'll see.
She said she'd tell my dad to book the ticket, and when she hung up, she said, "Love you," and I reciprocated, "Love you," which was weird because I don't think I'd said it in a very long while, but it's much easier to say after a conversation when neither of us is yelling or crying.
A book-free library just...doesn't make sense. I can't even imagine it.
We're a book-loving family. And I married into one, too, which was a bonus. I can't bear to part with books. One of my favorite reads as a kid was All of a Kind Family about a family at the turn of the century on the Lower East Side. Their trips to the library each week were sacred, and when their father, a junk man, came across a lot of used books that they were allowed to look through and *keep* you'd have thought they won the lottery. It was wonderful.
Happy Birthday Kat!
And go, P-C!
"You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
Good thing to say!
She said she'd tell my dad to book the ticket, and when she hung up, she said, "Love you," and I reciprocated, "Love you," which was weird because I don't think I'd said it in a very long while, but it's much easier to say after a conversation when neither of us is yelling or crying.
Aww... that's great.
I have to get married soon, before I'm 25, after I'm 25, it's hard to find a girl, look at all these other people older than 25 who are still single, so please be married by the time you're 25, please?
Good thing I'm not her son.
I explained it twice, and she said she still didn't understand, so I finally said, "You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
Good for you! With any luck, saying such things will become easier and easier. Also, if you haven't already, thank her effusively for giving you the phone number of the relative in SF and emphasize that this is the sort of help you can use.
Sounds like things are shaking out relatively well, P-C. If it makes your parents happy to window shop for a bride for you, well, there's not a whole lot you can do about that. It is kind of nice that they're looking for someone who might have similar interests.
I'm 37 and I still get the "what are you wearing you can't really be planning on wearing that" from my mom for important occasions.
I'm glad the conversation ended on a fairly calm note.
That does sound much better, P-C. This:
I explained it twice, and she said she still didn't understand, so I finally said, "You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
makes me terribly happy.
The marriage thing is too far outside my experience for me to comment. But good luck with reaching an outcome you will be happy with.
The kids are out on a trip today. NO LUNCH! And I didn't eat breakfast.
Damn.
"You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of,"
very nice. this should be your rule. Explain once, maybe twice and then use that line.
How many do you think you'll be introduced to on this vacation? Actually, I just let them introduce you to Girls. That could be fun. Just be upfront about the whole not ready to get married with the girls.
Do your homework before the Trip - see if you can get even an informational interview set up. It should look good to your family.
and be prepared for them to bring up moving again.
She asked me if I'd talked to the realtor, and I explained about not being able to break the lease and having to find a subletter. I explained it twice, and she said she still didn't understand, so I finally said, "You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
I'm so proud of you, Sunil!
P-C, what a joy to read. And I don't think that this:
"You don't have to understand, I've got it taken care of," which is so my favorite thing I've said today.
and this
She said she'd tell my dad to book the ticket, and when she hung up, she said, "Love you," and I reciprocated, "Love you," which was weird because I don't think I'd said it in a very long while, but it's much easier to say after a conversation when neither of us is yelling or crying.
are unrelated. Hard as it may be for them, you're showing them the adult you are, rather than the boy you were, and look what happened - your Mom responded on more-or-less the same level. And of course the subject will come up again, but maybe you can both begin to see that taking your own path and making your own decisions doesn't have to mean hurting each other. I was thinking about your sister this morning actually - I think you're so lucky that you have someone on the ground, so to speak, who can help drive the message home.
And hey, meeting girls is never a bad thing, just as long as you're still making your own decisions at the end of the day.
