why she "let" my stepdad go

"Because he's a grown man with his own interests, and I'm a grown woman who's not so insecure that I need to have him tied to my apron strings every minute of the day."

After my divorce, I loved getting out from my Ex's annoying thumb so much that I thought it would be really hard to give that freedom up. (Popcorn for dinner? Sure! Watch old movies until 3 am if I feel like it? Sure!) One of the signs that the WBB was the one for me was that hanging out with him was more fun than hanging out without him 90% of the time. I still have plenty of fun on my own, but having him be home when I am there does not feel like an imposition or a distraction*, which it would with, oh, anyone else on Earth.

• Except this weekend when I was reading HP6.

One of the signs that the WBB was the one for me was that hanging out with him was more fun than hanging out without him 90% of the time.

Ditto. I still go and do stuff by myself, but it's occasional - not all evening a couple times a week.

Also, having kids makes a big difference in this equation. You need your other partner there participating. You also need to make time for the marriage, and that requires a commitment.

"Because he's a grown man with his own interests, and I'm a grown woman who's not so insecure that I need to have him tied to my apron strings every minute of the day."

With a side order of "Because if he didn't get out of the house on a regular basis, I'd be arrested for murder."

I'd *know* that he wouldn't always be hanging about my place, bothering me. I think I need less couple-y-schmoop-time than most human beings.

Oh, hell yes. I know some couples whose social lives overlap 100%. If that works for them, great. I'd go completely 'round the bend in less than a fortnight.

I'm always perplexed by couples who go to parties, and then never leave each other's side (or lap) all night. I don't get it -- you're going home together! You're going back to the same place -- why can't you mingle freely?

(I am, of course, more prickly than the average person. But seriously -- that whole bible verse about the two becoming one flesh? That isn't meant to be literal, dang it.)

One of the signs that the WBB was the one for me was that hanging out with him was more fun than hanging out without him 90% of the time.

Likewise. There are still me-only activities, either because I need the me-time or because it's actively painful to have the DH there (shoe shopping springs to mind), and I still enjoy when he's off on a him-only activity (even if it's only playing a computer game in the computer room), but together-time is great.

Of course, I'm a heathen who thinks adults with kids should occasionally do adult things without the kids...

cereal:

I'm always perplexed by couples who go to parties, and then never leave each other's side

Heh. Diplomatic Corps training - I get really uncomfortable if the DH and I are in the same group at a party. We've been trained for so many years to split up and socialize with different groups (whether hosts or guests) that it's rare we see each other until the end of a party.

I'm a heathen who thinks adults with kids should occasionally do adult things without the kids.

That can be tricky time-wise. Leif is starting to wake up so early (5:30 AM) this morning. That I'm not able to just get in exercise. I'm going to have to start going to bed earlier so I can get enough sleep, but that will leave very little time after putting the kids to bed.

I am quite shy, and prone to cling to my spouse when at a party. Not because I don't like other people, but because they scare me.

Sadly, in my busy life, it is also likely that "at a party" is the only time I have had to talk to my spouse in days, that is, talk on a level deeper than, "Remember, the baby has a doctor appointment on Tuesday, and I'll be home early because the nanny has to go to the DMV, and..." Similarly, in this busy (and poor) life, it's really hard to find time to go out without my child. It's something we're working on, but for us right now it's work.

I am quite shy, and prone to cling to my spouse when at a party. Not because I don't like other people, but because they scare me.

If I were part of a couple, I could see myself doing this at parties where I didn't know anyone else. Parties where I knew people, OTOH, would be a different story altogether.