Um, brides do not get to point at people and say "You are throwing me a shower and this is who you invite and this is how much you spend". That much I'm sure of.

I didn't have any showers either, though, so maybe I should have done more pointing. (kidding, I had a Bachelorette party that consisted of bar hopping in the French Quarter that was what I wanted, a shower would have been complicated and probably not fun, I don't need a toilet paper dress). I did make my bridesmaids buy a dress (The rest of this post keep sgetting eaten, I will take it as a sign)

If I had ever been in a wedding like yours, I might not have such a dim view of The Lost Art of Bridesmaiding.

Did I mention that the bridesmaids' gifts included flasks? Each one different - a sterling silver Celtic knot flask, a Charles Rennie Macintosh flask from England, a flask with a picture of Curious George all stoned on ether, one I can't remember anymore, and a flask with Rush album cover art (the bridesmaid who got that one called me up in tears to thank me, she was so touched). I'm still bummed that I didn't have my shit together enough to buy a bunch of bottles of nifty stuff and fill each flask with the perfect appropriate liqueur, but, given that I was still assembling CD covers on the morning of the wedding, it was clearly not to be.

Also, one shower gift per bridesmaid, and those who couldn't come to any showers were expressly ordered not to give me any gifts. Ditto those who lived far away and were thus making their attendance the gift. Also, I paid for one girl's dress, helped with another's, and found a third's on eBay for 75% off retail.

It's really not that hard. If what matters to you is the marriage itself, and having your friends there and participating in that union alongside you, you treat them decently and don't make it a hardship for them. It is just so very much NOT THAT HARD. I don't get people, I really don't.

Do people normally only have one shower? It seems to me like I've known people who had several. But other than needing the MOH or at least one bridesmaid at each, they weren't mostly the same people, and it wasnt' the same people hosting them.

I had two showers--one for my side of the family, thrown by my older sister who wasn't in the wedding party. And one for Christopher's side of the family thrown by his aunt.

I didn't make a guest list for any of them. I just showed up and let the make me a wedding dress out of toilet paper.

My bridesmaids threw me a small bachelorette party which was us going to a bar and staying the night in a hotel suite. And they bought me pretty panties.

But I paid for half the bridesmaid dresses and shoes. And hotel rooms for them at the wedding.

(However, my family is fulfilling the Bridezilla duties in her stead. Familyzilla. They're driving me fucking NUTS. Should I ever get married, I am SO eloping.)

Both my parents (who are no longer married to each other) have said that they hope I elope or do something similar. That's fine by me.

JZ, the flasks sound wonderful. I have to wonder if Vortex's Bridezilla will give her attendants gifts or not. I have a nasty feeling that the bridezillas who expect the most out of their bridesmaids financially also tend to be the ones who give crap gifts, if any.

I didn't get a shower either. Or a honeymoon. Of course, the whole marriage has pretty much been a honeymoon. And the wedding was only slightly dressy, not a formal event by any means.

I have to admit my eyebrows climbed into my hairline, Vortex. Miss Manners would flip.

Wow. I really like the Smart Roadster.

How can you not love a car where the name of a color option is "Jack Black?"

There's a new Miata.

WANT!!! I miss my Miata.

And there's the new Ford Mustang convertibles (not really roadsters).

Hmmm...I saw a roadster at the store yesterday with Ford badging. I'll have to Google. There's also the MG roadster, don't forget!

I think brides paying for dresses and hotels and whatnot are really going above and beyond the norm. In a good way, don't get me wrong, but that's definitely not typical.

I'd like to think that brides themselves can easily be the judge of how bridezilla they are, but maybe that's not always possible.

I know that when I was planning for having a party of 70, I thought I was reasonible and sane and not all craxy making, though I think Allyson (and maybe Polgara but definitely Lori) begs to differ. She thought I was craxy acting too. And I didn't ask anyone to do anything in particular, like wear funny clothes, or throw parties for me.

Lori had a nice bridesmaid experience with our friend Cynthia. Cynthia asked her to wear a dress (one that C paid for) and told her the rest was up to her. It was all very mellow. C was a PITA to the catering staff, but that's another thing entirely.

Do people normally only have one shower?

It's becoming more common to have multiple showers, I think. At least one place I worked had showers for any to-be-married employees (or their fiancees). Not font of that practice, especially since I was never invited to any of the weddings, but was still expected to pony up cash or a gift.

I think it's also common to have multiple showers if the wedding guests are coming from multiple locations. I imagine that if I were to get married in the near future, I'd have a shower here in St. Louis, one back in Baltimore, and one wherever hypothetical fiance's family was.

For the wedding I was MoH, there was no way I could make a shower (hello! 2000 miles away!) Bride didn't care. We went out for drinks, I paid and she got drunk. Which was really cheap, because 2 drinks=drunk for her. Heh.

Apparently, some of her proper relatives were horrified that I didn't throw a shower. Um. OK. It was a pretty low-key, DIY wedding. I mean, one of the groomsmen was also the caterer!

I think that planning a party for 70 is hard. I'm assuming it is, since the idea freaks me right out. What makes a Bridezilla is what goes above and beyond party planning -- and that's mostly going to be in what you expect from other people.

My putative wedding wouldn't be any more expensive for the bridal party than for the guests. Cheaper perhaps, but the idea of wedding presents is both attractive and confuffling to me.