'Lessons'
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
was I too blunt?
Maybe a little, and maybe I misunderstood what you were saying. Too, DH and such real-life confidantes as I have run to the blunt, tough love types, so I kinda crave those old friends' finesse for surrounding the "you're stronger than this, you know it, so buck up" message with lots of reassuring hairpats.
Okay, I caught up.
Hopefully without dreams. I've been having horrid nightmares lately. Last night I dreamed about my grandmother falling off the side of a cliff, among other things. Yeah, I know, metaphor much?It was contagious? Oh bugger... Sorry about that, Kristin.
If it helps, figuring out that 'metaphor much' part seemed to make mine go away. Or talking about. Either way, they seem to have stopped.
I'm not angry, but I'm sure as fuck vindictive.I dearly love Erin. Possibly to tag?
F2F conversations have a whole different vibe than online. on line it is hard to tell if what some one needs is reassurance or a reminder that there is a pattern going on - also it is easier for me to judge the moods of a listener- even if I am the paniced one.
I've got three things that make me wierd and panicky - DH not being home before midnight.- money esp. unknown amounts due. - and the TV/TIVO not working propperly; I might not watch it, but I need to know it is there.
Curse you Hec. Now I want this haircut: [link]
It's a good cut, huh?
I'm sorry, Susan. I said what I thought, and Lyra and Perkins have articulated where I was coming from. I absolutely know that you love your daughter. But it's hard watching you create so much of your own stress. You do it again and again, and you don't seem to have accepted that since you've never done this before your expectations are not based on experience. And that a child's development will vary considerably from benchmarks. And the benchmarks are making you crazy.
I was undoubtedly blunt and critical, which was probably not what you needed today. I'm sorry about that. But my reaction was very similar to that of most people who posted - and we were all reacting to the same thing.
We were not surprised by the nurse's opinion.
I wish you could see Betsy with her daughter, to see how simpatico you get with your child when they get older. Or me with Emmett, even, now that he's bigger. Your daughter will be bright and bookish and have some of your wonky taste in things. And some things with Dylan. And some things her own.
All those things that you are so invested in, that you have such deep hopes for with Annabel will be there. That's not handwaving. That's because I know how much you love her, and how involved with her you are.
It's OK, Hec.
One thing I need to write down and tape up on my desk with my 5-year writing plan and the CS Lewis quote and Bruce Cockburn lyrics that help me focus on the wip, is "The guidelines aren't for you." Because that's pretty much a universal truth of my life that applies to far more than just toddler development charts. None of this stuff is written for the benefit of hyper-informed overthinking semi-neurotic perfectionists, because we're a minority, and we're already doing at least enough to stimulate our children's minds/nourish said children in utero/follow the moral tenets of our particular religion or philosophy of life/etc. But since we're perfectionists, we take the rules that are meant to make less intense people do enough and break ourselves trying to live them out 100%. Or we look at guidelines meant to make people pay enough attention to catch a kid's problem before it's too late and freak out over one little thing when the overall pattern looks fine.
Weirdest thing just happened. I've been sitting here checking out various things online and listening to the neighbors chat and laugh outside, when I heard a train whistle two or three times. The odd thing about this is that there is no train anywhere remotely close enough to hear. There are mountains between me and trains. Huh.
Susan, I am delurking about this.
One thing I've noticed about myself is that I will at times post or talk about something that is causing me distress. And people take my posting about it as a an ask for advice situation. Or I might even say, "What do you think?" Then when people respond with things I don't agree with or whatnot, I am strongly compelled to argue and defend myself. Undoubtedly they are left irritated with me for asking for advice then not listening and I know that I'm left feeling frustrated.
And really, I don't care what the people think, necesssarily. I'm just trying to process and vent.
One thing I have noticed is that I am happier when I'm pretty clear about what I want. If I say upfront, "Listen, this really isn't about advice, but I just need to say this," then I get a more agreeable (to me) result. And, people aren't upset at me for not listening to their advice.
I'm only bringing this up because I think if you're looking for hairpats, and the beta you get back is not what you want, it might work better for all involved if you were clear that you want to vent and not that you are really looking for advice or feedback.
But since we're perfectionists, we take the rules that are meant to make less intense people do enough and break ourselves trying to live them out 100%. Or we look at guidelines meant to make people pay enough attention to catch a kid's problem before it's too late and freak out over one little thing when the overall pattern looks fine.
I think this is very true.
From the things the nurse said, it seems that much of what those pamphlets are intended for is to alert people to hearing problems with their children.
I also just want to say that when I weigh in - I do listen to you. And not just your most recent post, but everything I know about your relationship with Anabel, what I see in the pictures, all the stories you've told us over these last 15 months. I'm not responding out of "Eh, why worry?"
I know from your stories of interacting with her that she can hear, and that she understands you. I can see from her pictures that she's alert and engaged and curious. I know from your stories that she's already capable (and inclined) to play by herself.
And I am bringing my own experience to the table. I do vividly remember being on the other side of Emmett speaking and being completely unsure how it was going to happen that he was going to speak (or get potty trained, or read or any of the other major plateaus).
Anyway, I have a lot of faith in Annabel, and in you as a mother. Please don't doubt that.
t rips off "What scrappy said" Tshirt
t dons "What Kat said" tank instead
Bitch love, and therefore advice, can be a tough love. It always helps me to be clear about whether I want feedback or not.
(You know, if I'd come in here and posted what I'd originally planned before I found the flyer and made the call--namely, "She does have to say something eventually, right? Given that she can hear and make sounds, she won't spend the next 18 years just babbling, right?"--I probably would've got the kind of support I was actually hoping for. I really need to learn to rein in my emotions before I reach the scenery-chewing stage.)
From the things the nurse said, it seems that much of what those pamphlets are intended for is to alert people to hearing problems with their children.
I think that's part of it, but also it seems like it's an issue if the child is behind on a broad spectrum of developmental tasks. Both the nurse and the hotline staffer today asked if she was walking, and the hotline staffer wanted to know if she stacked objects or put things inside other things. Since she's pretty much doing everything she's supposed to do and then some BUT talking, the not talking isn't so worrisome.
Oh, and to brag on Annabel a bit, the kid's got rhythm--she dances with the beat. And just today after the Sesame Street theme song finished, I heard her perfectly echo the opening notes, though instead of "sunny day" it was something like "da da ay." Perfect pitch, though.