Oh man, Deena. How scary. I'm glad everyone is okay.

here's what the newly eloped people are thinking: "wheeeeeee! I'm married and happy and in love! Wheeee!! Someone sent a card, and it is celebrating our love! Wheeee!!!!!"

I so hope they put that in their wedding vows.

Um, sorry, beg to differ.

But it's a salt lake! It should be lake salt!

Well, it's more of an idea than a plan. I intend to move out there, but I don't have an actual target date yet. I'm a turtle.

Well then, you pretty much have over a century to choose your moment.

Oh, my.. ::tries to stuff a fiver into the fax machine::

No, wait, this could be interesting to watch. And film. And have commented on by Jeff Corwin.

Even by Bjork standards, this is an astonishing outfit.

Oh dear lord, that was funny. Not the outfit, but just the expression she's pulling as she reaches for that guy's crotch.

Meanwhile, I have a problem that of course should have been entirely foreseeable. Having put up my profile on the dating site, I am now receiving the occasional response. Now, I've been lurking on these sites for a while now, and frankly the vast majority of the women using the sites seem to be people to whom I would feel greatly unsuited. When someone with whom I figure I have little in common asks if I want to get in touch, how do I say no politely?

When someone with whom I figure I have little in common asks if I want to get in touch, how do I say no politely?

Can't you just ignore them? I don't respond at all to people I'm not interested in, and in the dozens of cases where I've replied to someone's ad, I don't think I've ever gotten a "sorry, not interested" email - either the woman was interested, or she never wrote back.

Can't you just ignore them? I don't respond at all to people I'm not interested in, and in the dozens of cases where I've replied to someone's ad, I don't think I've ever gotten a "sorry, not interested" email - either the woman was interested, or she never wrote back.

Well, yeah, but that feels rude to me. They've gone to the trouble to get in touch, the least I can do is write back.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{all the Bitches}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My mom does not, this is one point in her favor, nag or hint at major milestones she expects me to hit ASAP. She is generally too busy talking about pleasant or unpleasant details of her life. I can, and have, put the phone down and go to the bathroom then return without her stopping or noticing that I wasn't there.

Deena! What a simply yucky day you've been having! PMS deserves a hot fudge sundae from Malleys. And a ride on the merry-go-round. There is pretty much nothing that will make the aftermath of the scare that your kids' lives are in danger ease up... hmm, well, not that they serve at Malley's anyway.... whiskey, maybe...

Thanks, Cindy. That one was a freak-out. I didn't cry until Greg came home.

Oh, in really cool news, yesterday Kara brought me a sheaf of papers on which she'd drawn obviously amazing actions and said, "I need some yarn. I have to do some yarn stuff to my comic book." She had drawn her own comic book starring her new favorite character, Krypto the super dog. Today she drew a picture of me. Round face, hair just like mine, glasses. The child is a prodigy. On the other hand, Aidan has discovered the phrase, "Up, up and away!" and uses it frequently.

Hmm, you know, Andi. I think you're right. Tomorrow, hot fudge! It's a little late to go looking for it now.

Well, yeah, but that feels rude to me. They've gone to the trouble to get in touch, the least I can do is write back.

I'm with you on this. Being on the receiving end of a resounding silence rather than a quick "thanks but no thanks" message makes one feel both invisible and unworthy of a few keystrokes.

Hypothetically, I mean. I've got this friend...

How about something like: Thanks for writing. I've looked at your profile and I don't think we have many interests in common, but I'm really flattered by your e-mail. Maybe this online dating thing has something to it after all.

That way you're saying they've boosted your ego but you don't ask them for a date, and it's all light? I could be crazy.

Tomorrow, hot fudge! It's a little late to go looking for it now.

Malley's doesn't stay open later on the weekends? Oh wait, there's the whole parenting thing. I spose dragging the kids out for ice cream at 11pm wouldn't really be the thing to do.

Jen, I would just like to say again that you're very cool for sending me the Lorrie Moore Ploughshares. I haven't read any of the stories in it yet, but I finally read her intro the other day, and then saw the Post-It in the front and was reminded that people are awesome.