Susan, if you have an agent, or a friend who has an agent, or a connection at a publishing house, it's still a great idea to pitch professionally. The amount of time it'll take to get a book through the publishing system is still bupkes compared to how long NO will need the help.

Dies from the laughing...

Go forth and read tafkar's Daniel/Vala fic, for, lo, it contains not a single sexual body part and yet it will make you break into a cold sweat.

[link]

Seriously. So much more porny than most porn.

I've been digging through a Harry Potter slash archive, and I am utterly boggled at the amount of Harry/Snape out there. The romantic Harry/Snape. No, I didn't read more than the summaries.

The archive even has a standard label for Out Of Character-ness. Oh, as usual, dear.

The archive even has a standard label for Out Of Character-ness.

Wouldn't it be nice if they all did? Of course, it's essentially a self-identification process, and thus flawed.

The archive even has a standard label for Out Of Character-ness.

Wouldn't it be nice if they all did?

Oh, goodness, yes. I posted the following list of truly useful fic warnings in my LJ a while back.

• No spell-check was used.

• No beta-reader was used.

• Beta-reader is the author's bestest friend in the whole world.

• Author cannot tolerate constructive criticism.

• Smutfic written by 13-year-old who has learned everything she knows about sex from other fics.

• Main characters display the emotional maturity of an eight-year-old. So does the 25-year-old author.

• Laughably bizarre euphemisms used for genitalia.

• You will need brain bleach.

• Author has jettisoned accurate characterization in order to portray her least favorite character as a screaming harpy.

• This story is exactly like every other story this author has written.

• Pairings in this fic are based solely on teh hotness, and not on anything ever seen in canon.

• One half of the m/m pairing behaves like a weepy little girl throughout the fic.

• Against all probability, everyone in this fic is gay. Everyone.

• This fic is nothing but 10 paragraphs of the lead character whinging about how miserable his/her life is.

• Everyone is happily paired off with another character by the end of the fic. Everyone.

• The author is sticking to canon, except for those pesky bits that get in the way of her favorite pairing.

• Hurt/hurt/hurt/hurt/hurt/hurt/comfort: The author's favorite character is subjected to a level of suffering that would give Job a lovely feeling of schadenfreude if he saw it. Then, hot sex, usually in a hospital bed.

• Even though the two male characters being paired up are in the military, police force, etc., everyone knows about their relationship and is very, very happy for them. Everyone.

• Fic was written 20 minutes after the episode was aired and is virtually identical to every other fic written 20 minutes after the episode was aired.

• Against all probability, everyone in this fic is gay. Everyone.

Ah, my number one gripe about certain kinds of slashfic, being set in the Mirror Ball Universe. Here's a hint, unless your fic exclusively pairs Armistead Maupin characters, some of them should still be heterosexual as per canon.

Armistad Maupin characters

Hey, wasn't Benton Fraser straight?

t /rampant media confusion

Whoops. Spellcheck, which should be my friend, is a seldom-contacted aquaintance.