I thought those were the Carl's ads, which are just nasty.

I have a penis, and therefore uncooked meat, buns still in the bag, and avocados confuse and frighten me.

(Okay, maybe I'm not the best guy to get defensive about those commercials, but even I am not as intimidated by cooking as the guys they show in those commercials.

Huh? I had to look up the lyrics just to make sure that that was indeed what was really said. All the while during this hypnotic trance is a visual bombardment of more cowboys, buxom burger wenches and soft-core porn starlets lusciously devouring chicken sandwiches.

Ok, babe? It's a rewrite of "Big Rock Candy Mountain." Learn your hobo songs.

x-post with Nutty. What I git fer skimmin'

I have a penis, and therefore uncooked meat, buns still in the bag, and avocados confuse and frighten me.

Not having seen the ads in question, I just had a frightening moment of wondering what "buns in the bag" was a euphemism for. Nevermind the uncooked meat and avocados.

even I am not as intimidated by cooking as the guys they show in those commercials

Whatever. I do by far most of the cooking in my family.

The stairwell smells like perm and I have noodles on my pants.

"Not my day" doesn't even begin to cover it.

Not having seen the ads in question, I just had a frightening moment of wondering what "buns in the bag" was a euphemism for. Nevermind the uncooked meat and avocados.

Me, I was having trouble parsing how "I have a penis" and "uncooked meat" could go into a sentence that did not end in tragedy.

The stairwell smells like perm and I have noodles on my pants.

Are these two things related?

For a second, I thought she was rewriting the BK lyrics.

I hate the Carl's ads because they show guys (and girls) shoving giant dripping hamburgers in their mouths. Ew. They also have an icky slogan that I can't think of right now...

Oh dear. I'm glad I could bring a little bizarre, porny surreality to some people's afternoons.