People's priorities differ. I could live without cats, but there will be dogs in my life as soon as I can afford to take care of one properly. I've lived without a significant other and I've lived without dogs, and I find I miss dogs more. Would I like to hitch up with a suitable fella? Sure. But dogs are on my relationship filter, just like "tolerates books" and "religiously liberal".
Most women I know have various filters in place. Some would never get involved with guys who aren't in the same general social-economic class. Some would never get involved with younger guys. Some would never go for guys who can't dance/cross dress/listen to country-western music/are computer geeks. Some insist on fellas who want kids.
None of those are my filters. Are you 33 year old bisexual computer geek with no rythmn, a vascectomy, and a fondness for Mary Chapin Carpenter (or just want her clothes)? Are you ok with dogs, books, and neo-pagan types? We can get coffee.
We can get coffee.
So, he's got to like coffee?
he's got to like coffee?
Well, he has to tolerate the smell. It's either that or deal with me without my coffee, and that would test the strongest relationship.
My pool is already a trickle, anyway.
tolerates books
"What are those... things on the shelves?"
"Books"
"Oh. I can't deal with that."
It's hard to imagine book intolerent.
My pool is already a trickle, anyway.
Time to lower your standards, baby! Better to be miserable with someone than vaguely unhappy alone.
Better to be miserable with someone
Hey, that's how my wife describes her life with me right now.
Time to lower your standards, baby! Better to be miserable with someone than vaguely unhappy alone.
ita, you are a paragon of mental health.
I think everyone has filters. I just think more of them are negotiable than a lot of folks think when they are thinking generally about "someone" rather than specifically about the person in front of them. Because of that, if you like the person (because if you don't like them, dump 'em) it is worth exploring to see how the actual experience of being with them shapes your priorities. You might think you could never be with a sports nut (I used to say that, then ended up with Yankees fan BF) and then meet someone who, say, loves NASCAR with a burning passion. Only by spending time with them might you find that their love of gourmet cooking and Victorian novels and their wit and great kissing and the fact that they don't require you to watch it make it unimportant in terms of the joy you get from having them in your life.
I know women who did not give guys they liked a second date because they mentioned they were a NASCAR fan, or divorced, or walked with a cane.
It's hard to imagine book intolerent.
I don't know anyone now, but my paternal grandfather was generally book intolerant. He thought that time spent with a book was time wasted. Whenever he caught his son reading, he'd get pissed off about it. I'm pretty sure my Dad became a bookworm as an act of teenage rebellion.
Plus there are the folks who think that people shouldn't be allowed to read certain books and so on, and I classify them as book intolerant.
Since I know they exist, they're on my filter.
