Time to lower your standards, baby! Better to be miserable with someone than vaguely unhappy alone.

ita, you are a paragon of mental health.

I think everyone has filters. I just think more of them are negotiable than a lot of folks think when they are thinking generally about "someone" rather than specifically about the person in front of them. Because of that, if you like the person (because if you don't like them, dump 'em) it is worth exploring to see how the actual experience of being with them shapes your priorities. You might think you could never be with a sports nut (I used to say that, then ended up with Yankees fan BF) and then meet someone who, say, loves NASCAR with a burning passion. Only by spending time with them might you find that their love of gourmet cooking and Victorian novels and their wit and great kissing and the fact that they don't require you to watch it make it unimportant in terms of the joy you get from having them in your life.

I know women who did not give guys they liked a second date because they mentioned they were a NASCAR fan, or divorced, or walked with a cane.

It's hard to imagine book intolerent.

I don't know anyone now, but my paternal grandfather was generally book intolerant. He thought that time spent with a book was time wasted. Whenever he caught his son reading, he'd get pissed off about it. I'm pretty sure my Dad became a bookworm as an act of teenage rebellion.

Plus there are the folks who think that people shouldn't be allowed to read certain books and so on, and I classify them as book intolerant.

Since I know they exist, they're on my filter.

you are a paragon of mental health

And single to boot! Who'da thunk it?

I've never met book intolerant, but I can certainly see the PoV that staying in because you just have to finish that Crusie or that Heinlein or that Morrison is antisocial and avoidant and lacking in fun.

I don't think bookworm was coined as a compliment.

My filters were that he had to be very intelligent, non-smoking, and have compatible religious beliefs. And if I had to do it all over again, those would still be in place.

At the time my friends were plotting to set me & Pete up, my filters were not a musician, not in the Camarilla, not psycho, and appreciated whimsy.

not psycho

Always a good one.

Hey, that's how my wife describes her life with me right now.

Gud, I'm really hoping that you and your wife are able to make some changes that lead you to good places. Sooner rather than later.

At a certain point in my life, I found myself applying this filter: asking my dates, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

I found myself applying this filter: asking my dates, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Yeah, I suddenly find I'm attractive to married men. What is up with that?

ita, I don't doubt you'd be attractive to married men. The thing is, what makes them think they have anything to offer you? That is an amazing conceit on their part.