Before this year - I didn't really understand allergies - despite having a sister that would like to live in a plastic bubble. but with the asthma, I am amazed that my BIL ever visted my house. because cats cause him to wheeze. and that means pain. and once your body finds pain as a response - it will do it every time. hard to break your body's habits.

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if you value intimacy with your pets over intimacy with humans you're probably going to have more intimate relationships with your pets than with other humans.

I value the well-being of creatures I've made a prior commitment to enough not to completely uproot their lives and evict them from a world they're happy in, and I don't value intimacy with anyone who would expect me to.

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I also don't know why you expect him to be excited about the same things you are.

Well, I think being excited about some of the same things is kinda what makes for a good marriage and/or friendship. The whole, "You mean I'm not alone? You understand too?" aspect of it all.

One thing we've realized out of all this is that we'd developed a bad habit of not communicating with each other beyond a surface level. I mean, if I'd been talking about this all along, I would've known he had a problem before it'd gotten to the level where that rifle was the single thing I most coveted in the world. Or maybe he would've gradually gotten used to the idea, if I'd actually been talking about all the stuff I'd been learning. You never know--if you'd told me two years ago I'd end up wanting a gun, I never would've believed it.

The flipside of this is that I just learned today that the man I've been married to for almost six years and have known for almost eight has a serious interest in photography--as in, has taken classes in it in the past, would love to be able to exhibit and sell his work, etc. I feel like shit for not having realized. The hints were there, but I took it as enthusiasm for a new techie toy when we got our digital camera--and so displayed no sympathy and interest when he started talking about getting a newer, nicer one, because all I could do was freak out at the expense. I didn't know better. I should have, but I didn't.

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I value the well-being of creatures I've made a prior commitment to enough not to completely uproot their lives and evict them from a world they're happy in, and I don't value intimacy with anyone who would expect me to.

Well, and I say this without any judgment honestly, if somebody couldn't choose me over their cats then I wouldn't want to be with them either. Because that person is my number one priority, and everything else falls into place behind that. And I expect to be the same to them.

One thing we've realized out of all this is that we'd developed a bad habit of not communicating with each other beyond a surface level.

This can happen with a new baby, you know. It's why people are always telling you to tend to your marriage during the infant/toddler years.

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but it just looks like if you value intimacy with your pets over intimacy with humans you're probably going to have more intimate relationships with your pets than with other humans

Wow this is just pushing a big red button for me. Not the issue so much as the way this was phrased.

I am going to be smart, realize that it is 10 and I need my sleep instead of kerfluffle. Or, at the very least, try really hard.

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Wow this is just pushing a big red button for me. Not the issue so much as the way this was phrased.

Sorry for the phrasing. It doesn't seem like a radical notion that Humans Are Number One to me, but there it is. I'm the outlier in the B.org statistical graph.

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Hec, I'm very glad we've both found someone who fits into our differing worldviews so well. Hubby and I often say it's a good thing we married each other, so as to spare two other perfectly nice people the grief.

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Hubby and I often say it's a good thing we married each other, so as to spare two other perfectly nice people the grief.

This is really sweet in a very buffista way.

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This can happen with a new baby, you know. It's why people are always telling you to tend to your marriage during the infant/toddler years.

True, and it's definitely gotten worse since Annabel was born. But I think the seeds of the problem were there already. This marriage stuff is hard.

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Sorry for the phrasing. It doesn't seem like a radical notion that Humans Are Number One to me, but there it is.

Thanks. And I admit it has just been totally poking at that BRB (big red button of Grrrrrrr) of mine.

I actually logged off and shut down the computer and tried to go to bed. Brain would not shut down. So I am taking some sleep aid and going to post for a couple of minutes and maybe let the rat in my brain feel like he's run his course enough to rest soon.

To explain: To me, and only what my brain was hearing, it sounded analogous to a single woman who has a child, meets a new man and basically will ditch that child with the grandparents or something to be with the new man and start her new family. Or the (usually) girl who ditches her friends because of a new boy.

When I was first dating DxH, my sister and her (then) baby son lived with me. It all happened, unexpectedly on both counts, rather suddenly. I was a part-time fauxmom for a little over six months and that was part of the deal during that time. He didn't like being around kids as a lifestyle but I was in no way going to choose one over the other. If either of them had tried to force the issue, the forcer would have lost. But only because I would have seen it as a faux pass.

These are so very much my issues. Aside from my issues, I can't really do anything but respect your views and be glad that you found someone that sees things the same way.

I'm very glad we've both found someone who fits into our differing worldviews so well. Hubby and I often say it's a good thing we married each other, so as to spare two other perfectly nice people the grief.

connie says it well.

I recall reading about JZ giving up her cats and it seemed to me that she was sad. I couldn't imagine doing that. And my heart broke for her during that time. To me, losing pets can be as painful as losing people. Some pets are more important, as are some people.

Am I rambing yet? The warnings on the bottle were of the Don't Make Plans Or Conjugate Verbs variety.

eta: Sleep 2: Doze Sounder is showing previews. If all goes well, I am out for the night. Sweet Dreams 'Fistas...

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