I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.
I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.
So traumatizing Kara at the ice-cream parlor and making *her* freak out, and then finding out that even though I thought I was helping I was actually being EVIL -- then *I* got upset that I just traumatized this poor girl when she was just doing what she was told to do. And so I cried, b/c I felt horrible for making Kara cry and stupid for not knowing that she was *supposed* to be taking the very expensive breakable digital camera. And then I felt like a great big dumbass baby for crying about it.
So, you know, HATE crying in public.
I last cried in public because students were doing well in stress drills in krav.
I felt like quite the moron, because -- no detectable buildup of stress proteins here. It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.
Krav instructor might be a stupid choice of second career. To help, I promptly started telling people that that sort of stuff chokes me up. The senior instructor looked at me, shook his head, and said "You're such a woman."
Oddly, it made me feel much better, because I can distract myself next time by inviting him to mock me.
It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.
SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.
I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.
Me, too, Steph. I absolutely won't cry in front of people if at all possible. Makes me feel very vulnerable. And, for me, vulnerable=not good.
SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.
Or she could just be magical elastical Kara, and be just fine.
Me, I currently run the risk of getting weepy 7 times a week in front of people who need to look up to me.
Or she could just be magical elastical Kara, and be just fine.
Yeah, that's probably much more likely, and *I'm* the one with residual trauma over it.
The last three times I cried in public were because I was explaining my chronic depression to employers.
That sucked rancid llama dick.
The last time I had a full-on sobfest with friends was about six months ago, and I was drunk as a skunk and lost it about writing, and depression, and teaching, and who knows. But it was with my best friend and her husband, and as mortifying as it was (it was a full-on freak out) it also made me feel a lot better to spew.
I'm not much of a crier, although fuzzy animal deaths and sad movies can really get me going, but I prefer to sniffle in private.
Oh Steph! I didn't realize it upset you so much. I'm sorry.
Kara is usually careful with things when she's given a job, and she was badly stressed and needed some focus, which is why I sent her to get it. It's NOT your fault that I didn't think that through.
Honestly, I doubt she even remembers it. So far (knock on wood) I don't think she's screwed up enough to dwell on the bad stuff. When she does, it'll be me she thinks of and not you. I promise.
*I'm* the one with residual trauma over it.
Therein lies the irony, right?
I need to see vw and Cindy soon! And have Emily demonstrate the healing power of lemon!
I need the lemon demonstration (that's fun to say "lemon demonstration" or maybe I could call it a "lemonation"), too. We are into Little League season right now, and don't have Julia's team schedule yet (two games a week, for each kid, thankfully Chris is still too young to play), but we do need meetage.
I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.
I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.
I know. Me, too. A lot of this is the bluster I adopt, so that I don't let crying stop me, if I need to say something. I'm faking it 'til I make it. It's as much of an "I refuse to let caring about crying stop me" attitude in truth, as anything else.
I cry when I am angry, and sometimes when I am anxious. Now, I'll just tell people, "Look, ignore the crying. It won't go away, so I'm just going to talk through it."
I did that at a Christian Ed. meeting at church, just a couple of weeks ago. Two of the men there (who are otherwise good people) were in the interruptingest moods I've ever seen. I was in the middle of presenting a proposal. Someone had a question for me. I started to answer it, and these two men just took over (and they had not been involved in the proposal--it was my baby) and started answering the question, and they were answering it wrong.
I tried to catch their eye. The chairwoman tried to catch their eye. I tried to gently break in. Another woman tried to gently break in on my behalf. Finally, I just talked over them. Doing so, made me really anxious (one was one of the ministers at the church), but I was also angry, because I felt like a sexual politics thing--that they wouldn't have continued to talk over a man in quite the same way. So I put my assertive hat, and stompy boots on, and said, "Look, I have some anxiety issues, so ignore the tears and they'll go away," and just talked right through the crying.
I don't have bigass interrupting a presentation issues, so I don't care if they thought I was a big baby.
I am aspiring to curmudgeonhood, and am right on schedule. By the time I'm outta motherhood and into cronedom, I'm going to be 'Ouisa from
Steel Magnolias,
and just as crazy, too.
