{{{Nora}}} I hope your meeting is going ok. If you need a coffee later, give me a holler and I'll bring you that and a hug in person :)

Home from the big meeting. It went about as well as could be expected. It's tough stuff trying to be a responsible adult and have caring, honest relationships.

I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.

AWESOME.

It's tough stuff trying to be a responsible adult and have caring, honest relationships.

For real.

I need to see vw and Cindy soon! And have Emily demonstrate the healing power of lemon!

I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.

I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.

So traumatizing Kara at the ice-cream parlor and making *her* freak out, and then finding out that even though I thought I was helping I was actually being EVIL -- then *I* got upset that I just traumatized this poor girl when she was just doing what she was told to do. And so I cried, b/c I felt horrible for making Kara cry and stupid for not knowing that she was *supposed* to be taking the very expensive breakable digital camera. And then I felt like a great big dumbass baby for crying about it.

So, you know, HATE crying in public.

I last cried in public because students were doing well in stress drills in krav.

I felt like quite the moron, because -- no detectable buildup of stress proteins here. It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.

Krav instructor might be a stupid choice of second career. To help, I promptly started telling people that that sort of stuff chokes me up. The senior instructor looked at me, shook his head, and said "You're such a woman."

Oddly, it made me feel much better, because I can distract myself next time by inviting him to mock me.

It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.

SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.

I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.

Me, too, Steph. I absolutely won't cry in front of people if at all possible. Makes me feel very vulnerable. And, for me, vulnerable=not good.

SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.

Or she could just be magical elastical Kara, and be just fine.

Me, I currently run the risk of getting weepy 7 times a week in front of people who need to look up to me.

Or she could just be magical elastical Kara, and be just fine.

Yeah, that's probably much more likely, and *I'm* the one with residual trauma over it.

The last three times I cried in public were because I was explaining my chronic depression to employers.

That sucked rancid llama dick.

The last time I had a full-on sobfest with friends was about six months ago, and I was drunk as a skunk and lost it about writing, and depression, and teaching, and who knows. But it was with my best friend and her husband, and as mortifying as it was (it was a full-on freak out) it also made me feel a lot better to spew.

I'm not much of a crier, although fuzzy animal deaths and sad movies can really get me going, but I prefer to sniffle in private.

Oh Steph! I didn't realize it upset you so much. I'm sorry.

Kara is usually careful with things when she's given a job, and she was badly stressed and needed some focus, which is why I sent her to get it. It's NOT your fault that I didn't think that through.

Honestly, I doubt she even remembers it. So far (knock on wood) I don't think she's screwed up enough to dwell on the bad stuff. When she does, it'll be me she thinks of and not you. I promise.