I actually did start back up with my therapist a couple weeks ago. I think I may need to talk to him about medication next week, because I need some backup while working through all the others stuff.

This has been my experience w/r/t therapy vs. drugs -- medication helped my mood, such that I was able to pull out of the numb grey depression funk, which left me at a point where I was able to really benefit from the changes that therapy nudged me toward.

If that makes sense.

I've never even heard of stress proteins! But I'm glad that crying makes them go away.

I've never heard of stress proteins either, but I did read a long, long time ago, that crying released toxins from the body, and I believe it to be true.

I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.

I cannot believe how wide-awake and, yes, perky I feel. I should have bitched about that one drug months ago.

{{{Nora}}} I hope your meeting is going ok. If you need a coffee later, give me a holler and I'll bring you that and a hug in person :)

Home from the big meeting. It went about as well as could be expected. It's tough stuff trying to be a responsible adult and have caring, honest relationships.

I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.

AWESOME.

It's tough stuff trying to be a responsible adult and have caring, honest relationships.

For real.

I need to see vw and Cindy soon! And have Emily demonstrate the healing power of lemon!

I also just refuse to give a shit about what people think about crying. Not giving a shit about it releases bitterness proteins from my brain.

I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.

So traumatizing Kara at the ice-cream parlor and making *her* freak out, and then finding out that even though I thought I was helping I was actually being EVIL -- then *I* got upset that I just traumatized this poor girl when she was just doing what she was told to do. And so I cried, b/c I felt horrible for making Kara cry and stupid for not knowing that she was *supposed* to be taking the very expensive breakable digital camera. And then I felt like a great big dumbass baby for crying about it.

So, you know, HATE crying in public.

I last cried in public because students were doing well in stress drills in krav.

I felt like quite the moron, because -- no detectable buildup of stress proteins here. It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.

Krav instructor might be a stupid choice of second career. To help, I promptly started telling people that that sort of stuff chokes me up. The senior instructor looked at me, shook his head, and said "You're such a woman."

Oddly, it made me feel much better, because I can distract myself next time by inviting him to mock me.

It's just what I do, in the face of admirable physical effort.

SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.

I hate crying in front of other people. HATE. I figure it makes them think I'm a great big baby, or something.

Me, too, Steph. I absolutely won't cry in front of people if at all possible. Makes me feel very vulnerable. And, for me, vulnerable=not good.

SO much better than traumatizing a small child and contributing to future therapy bills.

Or she could just be magical elastical Kara, and be just fine.

Me, I currently run the risk of getting weepy 7 times a week in front of people who need to look up to me.