I just got off the phone with DH. A few weeks ago, he mentioned wanting someone from his family to come out here for the baby's birth. He said he thought he needed support and he was really nervous about birth. I told him that a) no one else is going to be at the hospital but him and my mom (and her only because she's flying in in case DH doesn't make it) and b) there's no room at our house and even if there was, he has less than 14 days with his daughter and I don't want him running off to get the guests coffee or donuts or something. So the bottom line was, I really didn't want anyone else flying out to visit us while he was here.

Just now he suggested perhaps instead of a family member (because his family visiting is always stressful) that maybe one of his (older) female friends could come instead. WTF??? I don't get where this is coming from. The absolute last thing I want is some person I don't know that well flying in to "support" him while I'm in labor. It seems so strange to me and his reasons (I'm there to support you but there's no one there to support me) just don't make sense.

[Just re-read my post. This wasn't intended so much to be bitching about my husband as it was a plea to help me understand where he's coming from]

Oh, sweetie! I just responded in your LJ, but I wanted to give you hugs here too.

Oh dear, {{Stephanie}} {{DH}}. I certainly can't speak from the viewpoint of your DH because I have only been on your side of the event. He is clearly experiencing anxiety over the process. This has to be made worse by his inability to be there for more time. (for both of you of course)

Can you express to him that you are there for him just as he is there for you? How is his relationship with your mother? Might she be able to relieve his concerns?

How is his relationship with your mother? Might she be able to relieve his concerns?

He and my mom actually get along really well. One of the reasons I still want her to come to the hospital (even if Joe is there) is that I think the two of them will really benefit from having each other there.

Stephanie, I agree that this could be male anxiety over birth stuff and he's looking for another female (that's connected to him) to maybe help relieve that anxiety. He may simply be worried that he won't be able to cope (or get there) and that having another person there as his surrogate/support will ease some of his guilt over that. Pluse there's all the worry about your safety, as well as the baby stuff.

I think it's probably common and understandable.

I had both my twin sister and DH in the L&D room with me. And Christopher's the type of guy who can't even buy tampons in the store--so he was more than a little freaked out by all the birth stuff. I was surprised at how quickly he got over it though.

I'd explain that you're both in it together and he's the person you feel most comfortable with and want to be there. It's not about finding another woman that might be able to be there to support you. Hopefully, he'll be able to work past the anxiety. Once the baby gets there, it's easy to let the rest of the world fall away and just concentrate on the three of you.

The anticipation and anxiety will decrease after he sees you (and your baby). Brendon was a riot during the birthing process. (as I look back) He found the whole thing fascinating. He kept watching the monitors and would tell me when I was having contractions. LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW!!! The video shows him looking time and again to see if he could spot the head popping out. It's really very funny. As someone else pointed out, when you are in labor you really don't care how many or few people are around. I could have been in the middle of the mall with the evening news and I wouldn't have noticed. He missed the birth of our second son as he brought the first one to a sitter and then ran home to get the camera. It was a quick birth and he was too late.

If I had been foolish enough to do it again I would have insisted on staying home. That was my desire from the start.

What is the timing of his arrival and the baby's arrival? The more time he has with you before the birth the more his anxiety should be relieved.

I absolutely understand how you feel, and agree, but I feel so bad for him. He must feel even more out of the loop than most dads. Brendon felt on the periphery of the whole process until the kids were past nursing. Now he is like primary parent with all the sports. It's a fluid process.

Once the baby gets there, it's easy to let the rest of the world fall away and just concentrate on the three of you.

Yes, this. Hold on the thought that it's all good after the baby arrives.

Is it just me or does Laura's tag keep getting longer and longer?

He must feel even more out of the loop than most dads.

Yes, this. I posted in your LJ, too, Stephanie, but I think Laura is right on the mark here. I know this must be so hard for you, but I bet he's feeling more than a little disconnected. Good communication ~ma to you both.

As someone else pointed out, when you are in labor you really don't care how many or few people are around. I could have been in the middle of the mall with the evening news and I wouldn't have noticed.

By the end when we had to go into minor crisis mode to get the kid out, I didn't care how many medical personnel ended up in the room, as long as they had a purpose. But I'm still glad DH was the only person from my everyday life who was there. Which is to say that while I agree with everything about where your husband is coming from and how to support him, do stick to your guns about who you want to be there, because you will still care, and if there's any time in a marriage when your preferences should rule the day, childbirth is it.

Veronica Mars got renewed!!! I don't even know if anyone else here watches it anymore, but I'm ecstatic.

I'm watching it right now (seriously), AIFG!