I've seen people afraid to touch their kids because of said theory. Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

Yeah, it's depressingly unclear about the boundaries. But the impression I got was that you just shouldn't keep them from exploring things (er, like the room, not like the underside of the car, or other people's purses) -- but you should totally cuddle them, and pick them up, and comfort them and stuff. Well, that was my perception.

Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

Eh, I think kids in general have a pretty good handle on the cost/benfit analysis. Sometimes kids just get exhausted and lose it, but I think most of those screamers have learned that it'll get them what they want.

Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

I was standing in line this morning at McDonalds, when a woman came in with her two sons (who looked to be roughly the same age, and roughly five). One of them was SCREECHING at the top of his lungs, over and over and over and over and over, only pausing to take a breath in between each screech. He'd also hit a prticular note that just GRATED, and it was visibly bothering me and everyone else in the restaurant, and the kid just WOULD. NOT. STOP. Mom was apparently telling him to stop, but I really kind of wanted to speak up and tell her to discipline her child and MAKE. HIM. STOP.

As I walked back out with my order (it was to go) the kid was still going strong.

Emmett gets cuddled a lot and is very physically affectionate. He has a ridiculously high and unshakeable sense of his own worth. This is all distinct from being overprotective (cf., broken nose), or not setting boundaries. He knows what expected behavior is for him, and gets hauled up when his behavior is poor. And that includes being whiny or complaining.

Emmett is very loved and he knows it. There's no bad in that. But I don't praise him for managing to get dressed in the morning or doing his homework. That's expected.

But I don't praise him for managing to get dressed in the morning or doing his homework. That's expected.

As an old boss of mine used to put it, you don't get praise for just doing your job.

He knows what expected behavior is for him, and gets hauled up when his behavior is poor. And that includes being whiny or complaining.

Emmett is very loved and he knows it. There's no bad in that.

And there we have the heart of the problem - I think too many people believe (or behave as if they do) that these two statements are mutually exclusive. When in fact they're sides of the same coin.

I think the coolest bit of public behavior-management parenting I ever saw was once, in Target, when a little kid just had a full-on, fists-against-the-floor meltdown in the middle of one of the aisles, for reasons I couldn't possibly ascertain. Nothing Mom could have said would have stopped that. As soon as it was clear that the child couldn't be placated, Mom just left her cart right where it was, still full of the stuff she intended to buy, picked up said kid, and headed for the nearest exit.

With the very wee ones (say 6 months and under), current consensus seems to be that it's impossible to spoil them, and that cuddling and comfort actually give them confidence and make them cry less. With Annabel, I basically cuddle her as much as I feel like, but when she squirms to get down, I put her down. When she falls, I always look at her and ask her if she's OK, but as long as she doesn't make a fuss, I don't either. If she cries after falling, I pick her up, cuddle her, and assess for damage, but once she's calm I set her down again, because I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. I figure the best way to keep her confident and eager to explore is not to make a production about the stumbles along the way.

I figure the best way to keep her confident and eager to explore is not to make a production about the stumbles along the way.

I definitely tend toward the Dad-ish "walk it off" attitude. The truth is that little kids want their boo boos acknowledged (which I always do with a script like: "Oh no! I know that hurts. Let me see that. Okay, it doesn't look broken. You want to keep playing?"). But I think making a fuss can be problematic.

At the practice where Emmett broke his nose, one of the other players (a good athelete too) took a grounder off his wrist and started to get all lip trembly. It didn't bruise at all or scratch him or cut him. I'm sure it hurt for a second, but I could tell he was waiting for more fuss than I was willing to give him. But I steered him back to "You think you can still play?" pretty quickly and he was fine. By 8 y.o. I expect kids to deal with boo boos.

t /heartless coach