At our housewarming, 2 of Alfredo's friends and their 6-month-old child were there. They're a great couple, very energetic and outgoing and funny, and the baby - referred to as "The Flea" - loved Jilli's skirts. However, he had a tendency to crawl very fast around our low coffeetable, and I was concerned he'd bonk his head on the corner. *I* fretted more than Virginia (his mom) did, and eventually she just looked at me, and I stopped, concerned. She said, basically, "He might bump his head. It'll startle him, and maybe make him cry a bit, but he's not capable of hurting himself, and he needs to figure this stuff out on his own. And I'm watching him, too, so stop it, Alex."

:)

Connie, the stuff I've read (which is to say, the five-page summary about attachment theory in my human development class) says, essentially, yeah it's possible to cuddle them too much, but really only if you cuddle them more than they want. The research suggests that if you follow their lead, they'll be okay.

I've seen people afraid to touch their kids because of said theory. Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

Yeah, it's depressingly unclear about the boundaries. But the impression I got was that you just shouldn't keep them from exploring things (er, like the room, not like the underside of the car, or other people's purses) -- but you should totally cuddle them, and pick them up, and comfort them and stuff. Well, that was my perception.

Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

Eh, I think kids in general have a pretty good handle on the cost/benfit analysis. Sometimes kids just get exhausted and lose it, but I think most of those screamers have learned that it'll get them what they want.

Unfortunately, I think the kids who scream in the grocery store are screaming because Mom long ago tuned them out.

I was standing in line this morning at McDonalds, when a woman came in with her two sons (who looked to be roughly the same age, and roughly five). One of them was SCREECHING at the top of his lungs, over and over and over and over and over, only pausing to take a breath in between each screech. He'd also hit a prticular note that just GRATED, and it was visibly bothering me and everyone else in the restaurant, and the kid just WOULD. NOT. STOP. Mom was apparently telling him to stop, but I really kind of wanted to speak up and tell her to discipline her child and MAKE. HIM. STOP.

As I walked back out with my order (it was to go) the kid was still going strong.

Emmett gets cuddled a lot and is very physically affectionate. He has a ridiculously high and unshakeable sense of his own worth. This is all distinct from being overprotective (cf., broken nose), or not setting boundaries. He knows what expected behavior is for him, and gets hauled up when his behavior is poor. And that includes being whiny or complaining.

Emmett is very loved and he knows it. There's no bad in that. But I don't praise him for managing to get dressed in the morning or doing his homework. That's expected.

But I don't praise him for managing to get dressed in the morning or doing his homework. That's expected.

As an old boss of mine used to put it, you don't get praise for just doing your job.

He knows what expected behavior is for him, and gets hauled up when his behavior is poor. And that includes being whiny or complaining.

Emmett is very loved and he knows it. There's no bad in that.

And there we have the heart of the problem - I think too many people believe (or behave as if they do) that these two statements are mutually exclusive. When in fact they're sides of the same coin.

I think the coolest bit of public behavior-management parenting I ever saw was once, in Target, when a little kid just had a full-on, fists-against-the-floor meltdown in the middle of one of the aisles, for reasons I couldn't possibly ascertain. Nothing Mom could have said would have stopped that. As soon as it was clear that the child couldn't be placated, Mom just left her cart right where it was, still full of the stuff she intended to buy, picked up said kid, and headed for the nearest exit.