Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

It allows me to focus long enough to drive to the office, if I have to drive to the office. I'm still surly, but I'm somewhat closer to conscious.

What's up? No, I mean, what does non-morning mean?

I do not like waking up. Upon wakefulness, my first thought is "ohfuck." My brain doesn't really work well. It isn't really tired, it just is not processing fast enough for 90% of the reality around me. Which is why I have a set routine. An interruption in that routine results in my staring stupidly at whatever the offending thing is as I fumble through possible responses. Conversing with people is HARD. So I glare at them, hoping they will just go away. I have the emotional keel of a feverish toddler who you just stole candy from. All of this I know and would try to moderate, if upon waking, I could comprehend caring about something other than the fact that, damnit, I have to get up. Basically, I'm stupid, cranky and selfish.

It goes away after about 30 minutes. Weekends, I lie in bed and it goes away. During the week? It usually disapates sometime in the shower, post paper and oj.

Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

I'm a freak, because I completely depend on coffee at the office to keep me from falling asleep around noon. It doesn't help me all that much in the morning when I'm drinking it (and I don't drink it after 10 a.m.), but the effects last well into the afternoon.

I'm not sure what you're looking for

Just the experience of not wanting to be awake in the almost-wee hours of the morning. So you hate waking up, but are fully functional reasonably quickly? But resentful, I'd imagine...

I really wish I could take an after-lunch nap. When I'm alone in the office I usually do.

HEY! I, uhm... okay, that's pretty much exactly it.

I draw comfort, though, from the revelation that we have the same functional/gronky mismatch as Betsy and her DH.

My sleep pattern is pretty much, if it's light out, I'm awake, and once I'm awake I'm good for another 12-16 hours. I can fall asleep with a nightlight, but any larger amount of light and I'm up. When doing theater and other late-night stuff I can fool myself with blackout curtains and sleep masks and shift my waking hours around as needed, but if daylight dawns on my sleeping body then up I bounce.

I love to wake early, but prefer if the other people do not. I like the solitude of the early morning. I'm functional, but not gregarious.

Though the universe is often cheesy, and that may turn out to be the universal constant.

Is it swiss cheese? That would explain the holes.

(Don't tell Perkins)

I knew it. The universe really is gross and nasty.

I knew it. The universe really is gross and nasty.

And created by cows.

I am decidedly nonfunctional until some period of time has passed.

I have: poured koolaid in my coffee, put catfood in the coffeefilter, dumped coffee grounds in the catdishes, poured cream in my oj, a spoon of sugar on the countertop, tried to brush my teeth with dish soap, poured hot water on the lit stove, put the oj in the closet..... and that's just the stuff that happens in the kitchen.