Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

I'm a freak, because I completely depend on coffee at the office to keep me from falling asleep around noon. It doesn't help me all that much in the morning when I'm drinking it (and I don't drink it after 10 a.m.), but the effects last well into the afternoon.

I'm not sure what you're looking for

Just the experience of not wanting to be awake in the almost-wee hours of the morning. So you hate waking up, but are fully functional reasonably quickly? But resentful, I'd imagine...

I really wish I could take an after-lunch nap. When I'm alone in the office I usually do.

HEY! I, uhm... okay, that's pretty much exactly it.

I draw comfort, though, from the revelation that we have the same functional/gronky mismatch as Betsy and her DH.

My sleep pattern is pretty much, if it's light out, I'm awake, and once I'm awake I'm good for another 12-16 hours. I can fall asleep with a nightlight, but any larger amount of light and I'm up. When doing theater and other late-night stuff I can fool myself with blackout curtains and sleep masks and shift my waking hours around as needed, but if daylight dawns on my sleeping body then up I bounce.

I love to wake early, but prefer if the other people do not. I like the solitude of the early morning. I'm functional, but not gregarious.

Though the universe is often cheesy, and that may turn out to be the universal constant.

Is it swiss cheese? That would explain the holes.

(Don't tell Perkins)

I knew it. The universe really is gross and nasty.

I knew it. The universe really is gross and nasty.

And created by cows.

I am decidedly nonfunctional until some period of time has passed.

I have: poured koolaid in my coffee, put catfood in the coffeefilter, dumped coffee grounds in the catdishes, poured cream in my oj, a spoon of sugar on the countertop, tried to brush my teeth with dish soap, poured hot water on the lit stove, put the oj in the closet..... and that's just the stuff that happens in the kitchen.

I love to wake early, but prefer if the other people do not. I like the solitude of the early morning.

This is me, exactly. my husband is a night owl, so I am more likely to get my solitude in the morning, and I have become more of a morning person since living with him. My parents are more morningish, and I was much more of a night owl when I lived with them.

When I lived entirely by myself I had pretty irregular sleep patterns, but I was also either in grad school or working 3 jobs, which probably contributed to the wacky sleeping (or not sleeping).

I'm not a morning person because if it were entirely up to me I'd stay up till 2:00 a.m. and not get up till 10:00. I've never been able to live that way for any length of time between school, jobs, baby, etc., but it's the pattern I consistently fall into on the rare occasions life allows it. And for the first few hours I'm awake, regardless of how well-rested I am, I lack energy and have trouble focusing for any length of time. I don't even try to work on a novel before lunch, and mostly reserve the morning for stuff like making phone calls and emails, household chores, and the like. And, to be honest, catching up on all my boards and mailing lists.

By around noon, I start feeling sharper, but my peak hours for energy and focus are from 3:00-11:00.