It takes me about an hour or two to become human, with coffee or without.

Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

I'm not an afternoon person. In two hours, I'll really want to nap.

Other than that -- I can go to bed for the night between 9 and 2 or 3 just fine. Annoyingly I tend to not be able to sleep past 7:30 unless exhausted (and even then...)

It was on my mind because I'm functioning on coffee today, and it's horrible.

Sorry -- I meant if the article was positing it as de jure.

Oh, I know. I was just speaking from my fount of Canadian travel knowledge.

If I am to be functional in the morning (by which I mean, able to wake up easily in time to shower and eat before work), I need to be in bed by 11. Since we eat dinner pretty late, and the Daily Show doesn't end until 11:30, this is not an option. Once I have my coffee, I'm all right, but often, I don't wake up in time to make or drink any, which means I'm groggy and cranky until close to 11.

Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

It allows me to focus long enough to drive to the office, if I have to drive to the office. I'm still surly, but I'm somewhat closer to conscious.

What's up? No, I mean, what does non-morning mean?

I do not like waking up. Upon wakefulness, my first thought is "ohfuck." My brain doesn't really work well. It isn't really tired, it just is not processing fast enough for 90% of the reality around me. Which is why I have a set routine. An interruption in that routine results in my staring stupidly at whatever the offending thing is as I fumble through possible responses. Conversing with people is HARD. So I glare at them, hoping they will just go away. I have the emotional keel of a feverish toddler who you just stole candy from. All of this I know and would try to moderate, if upon waking, I could comprehend caring about something other than the fact that, damnit, I have to get up. Basically, I'm stupid, cranky and selfish.

It goes away after about 30 minutes. Weekends, I lie in bed and it goes away. During the week? It usually disapates sometime in the shower, post paper and oj.

Does coffee make being inhuman feel more tolerable?

I'm a freak, because I completely depend on coffee at the office to keep me from falling asleep around noon. It doesn't help me all that much in the morning when I'm drinking it (and I don't drink it after 10 a.m.), but the effects last well into the afternoon.

I'm not sure what you're looking for

Just the experience of not wanting to be awake in the almost-wee hours of the morning. So you hate waking up, but are fully functional reasonably quickly? But resentful, I'd imagine...

I really wish I could take an after-lunch nap. When I'm alone in the office I usually do.

HEY! I, uhm... okay, that's pretty much exactly it.

I draw comfort, though, from the revelation that we have the same functional/gronky mismatch as Betsy and her DH.

My sleep pattern is pretty much, if it's light out, I'm awake, and once I'm awake I'm good for another 12-16 hours. I can fall asleep with a nightlight, but any larger amount of light and I'm up. When doing theater and other late-night stuff I can fool myself with blackout curtains and sleep masks and shift my waking hours around as needed, but if daylight dawns on my sleeping body then up I bounce.

I love to wake early, but prefer if the other people do not. I like the solitude of the early morning. I'm functional, but not gregarious.

Though the universe is often cheesy, and that may turn out to be the universal constant.

Is it swiss cheese? That would explain the holes.

(Don't tell Perkins)

I knew it. The universe really is gross and nasty.