but that's not what she thought was happening

So? What does that have to do with trivialising how other people see it?

I guess that would be close to Joss' answer if it was a direct question:

Q: Did Buffy kill Angel in Becoming?

A: She thought she was.

That really puts it on the same plane as Wesley killing robo-Dad.

That really puts it on the same plane as Wesley killing robo-Dad.

Did that drive Mr. Wyndham Price insane? Did Wesley suffer the grief and guilt for an extended period?

So? What does that have to do with trivialising how other people see it?

I'm talking about my estimation of the narrative. If anything I'm accepting your interpretation of what happened and lowering my critical sense of Becoming. I think it's shittier storytelling if she doesn't kill him.

But then I think that killing off characters and reviving them is cheap and manipulative. It's what Ebert's Book of Movie Cliches calls a Disney Death. Oh no, Balloo the Bear is dead. Just kidding! Happy ending! Oh no, Trusty got runned over and is gone to that heavenly choir. Just kidding! (Disney does periodically really kill off characters like Bambi's mom, Ray the firefly and the Lion King, but they've earned the trope-name.)

Did Wesley suffer the grief and guilt for an extended period?

When did Wesley not suffer grief and guilt? That's his thing. I could not possibly pull out the thread of his willingness to shoot Robo Dad from the grand tapestry of his self-loathing.

I could not possibly pull out the thread of his willingness to shoot Robo Dad from the grand tapestry of his self-loathing.

Then I don't see how it's the same plane. Stabbing Angel was a clear trigger for Buffy. By your estimation it was just another day for Wesley.

You can kill and resurrect characters as many times as you want, in my book. As long as it counts. As long as it's something that has an impact on them or the people around them, or both. I'd rather a costly resurrection than an unremarkable death, in terms of the story.

I can't believe it took you this long to notice she hadn't killed him. I thought all the anal Buffy fans had realised.

What I think is weird that a killed and resurrected Angel seems to be the sort of thing that bothers you. A sent away and returned Angel--if I didn't think he was dead--has nothing to do with Disney for me. Unless Disney rubbed away the tarnish of the hundreds of years of insanity, or made the price that Buffy paid less real.

She sent her first love to hell! How is that not a thing for you? Your breakups must be brutal. How do your exes feel about you?

You can kill and resurrect characters as many times as you want, in my book. As long as it counts.

I don't know how you're counting what counts. Non-trivial? Has an impact? However you're weighting the consequences of death in the Buffy narrative, is too light for me.

How do your exes feel about you?

Most of them came to first wedding. If you think that's a sore spot for me your targeting is off.

She sent her first love to hell! How is that not a thing for you?

Because he came back. What were the consequences of Angel going to hell? He was mildly bestial for three episodes. His hundreds of years of torture and insanity were barely addressed. I've always wished they had an episode where Angel had to face one of the demons who tortured him in the hell dimension. But they can't really do that because there's no coming back from that Hell as a character that anybody would recognize.

Buffy's choice is very consequential for her. I care about her character, what she chose and what it cost her. I still think Joss vitiates that by bringing Angel back.

What's a hundred of years of torture between friends?

You heard it here first--I would prefer to die than be sent hell with a stomach wound where I chilled while it healed for CENTURIES.

It's officially on my laminated "worse than death" list. Kill. Me. First.

I would also like to live a long life and not have to do that to anyone I love.

He was mildly bestial for three episodes

And tortured for hundreds. It's less in the story for you because you didn't see it, right?

If you think that's a sore spot for me your targeting is off.

I'm not trying to poke at your sore spots, Hec, I'm not a pouty twelve year old mean girl. I'm saying that if you can brush off the end of a relationship in what strikes me as one of the worst ways to end a relationship with anyone....a fly on your wall during your actual breakups might be fascinated.

That really puts it on the same plane as Wesley killing robo-Dad.

I don't see it. Robo-Dad cheapened the moment because actual Dad suffered nothing. Angel, on the other had, really did get sent to a Hell dimension for lengthy (and, from Buffy's and I assume Angel's understanding at the time, eternal) torture. I'm on the side of regarding that as worse than death, and even if I were to give the edge to death, it's still pretty clearly up there as a big frakking deal. Certainly more than enough to traumatise his girlfriend, when she willingly chooses to condemn him to it in order to save the world.

There's another question, of whether Angel's return cheapened that sacrifice. (I think it did, but it doesn't change the impact of the choice on Buffy.) That question is independent of just what the sacrifice was, of course.