You could scare the crap out of them and do Giles' monologue as he kills Ben.

They're fourteen and in a new place. That would be mean. Thus why I'm thinking amusing.

Which would almost certainly require multiple characters, I know, as Buffy humor is all about the repartee.

Oh! I could do Buffy's fake death of a salesman monologue in Restless. That could be kind of funny.

The unpopular characters? Forgot Falsone. He was the Poochie of detective characters.

Falsone (who didn't bother me that much) and The Woman Who Killed Homicide, who I can't think of in any other way no matter what she shows up on. (The Beatdown!, which was always spoken in capital letters.)

The unpopular characters? Forgot Falsone. He was the Poochie of detective characters.

I was eh about Falsone, except for one scene. He was eating a peach and talking about sex with the other detective he'd been sleeping with, and it was Teh Hott.

Are they too young to care about Buffy, or get the reference? I mean, it went off the air when they were 11ish.

The only thing I can think of is Whistler's monologue from Becoming. It might resonate. It's not cheery and light, but it can be kind of inspiring. It's split up over a few lines in the episode, but you could cobble it together, into one monologue.

Here's the thing. There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes—they're not. I'll show you what I mean.

Bottom line is even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does.

So, what, are we helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come, can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.

There's Angelus's monologue from Passion, but erm...it might mark you as 'creepy guy with the vampire thing'.

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping. Waiting, And though unwanted—unbidden—it will stir, open its jaws, and howls. It speaks to us—guides us—Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?

Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief.

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms—shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

Yeah. I think that would end with you tagged as creepy, and probably more so, if you followed up with, "I want you to have a passion with math." t /go school, it's your birthday

There's the scene from Checkpoint, where Buffy puts the C.o.W. in its place. It's mostly a Buffy monologue, but there are a lot of characters who burst in with lines, here and there, so it might not be ideal.

You could read them some Pooh. You should read them this: [link]

Of course, they might think it was lame (but there are even FACTORS in it).

Fourteen is awful. Hmmm. I don't know. Can you do any stupid human sort of tricks? For example, I can play the William Tell Overture with my fingers, on my cheeks.

Oh, yeah, Sheppard the Series Killer and The "I got beat down, and got my gun took," ep which is fucking legendary. In a bad way. I've seen totally rational fangirls go completely apeshit about that.

The one thing that always stood out to me as a monologue was spike's "You're not friends, you'll never be freinds.... I may be love's bitch, but at least I am man enough to admit it" Again, it would probably have to be cobbled. Here is a go at it

I used to bring her rats. With the morning paper.

Look, I just need a few supplies, and then I'll take you to... (stops and grabs his head) Oh, God. : Oh... My head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. (bends over) Oh, God. I wish I was dead. Oh, God.

We killed a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times.

You know, he begged for mercy, and you know, that only made her bite harder.

SHUT UP!

What do you know? It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me. (sobs) I'm nothing without her.

What-- I'm pathetic! You're one to talk.

The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave. (turns away)

Oh, yeah. You're just friends.

) You're *not* friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. (points at his temple) Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... (clasps his chest) blood screaming inside you to work its will.

*I* may be love's bitch, but at least *I'm* man enough to admit it.

Hmm! (grabs the bottle) Eye of rat.

I don't know if you want male or female-- I am betting one could cobble together a Drusilla, Darla, Willow, or maybe Buffy from several episodes, but none is springing to mind.

Xander's Dadaist pep talk? [link]

Having taught drama to that age kids for several years, may I suggest something more accessible to them. Buffy is an old show to 14-year-olds. If it is a performing arts school, you might use a famous soliliquy, Like Hamlet's "To be or not to be" and change it around to use your subject matter and your new teacher status in some silly way. Being self-aware and a bit ironic will go over better than being sincere and falling short in any way.