Damn, but Bureau was funny tonight. It's almost neck-and-neck with the dueling quotes in here. That's just... weird.

I could make a killing at this game, I hope you all realize. Instead, now that I am finally home from work, I'm going through the BRQG and editing mistakes. For I am too tired to write porn, but not too tired to be an anal-retentive code monkey.

Another pre-Emeline favorite:

Aimee: I am very modest, body wise. I finally started changing at the gym out in the open after about a month or so. I had to get used to it. But other than that, well, I am still operating under the mistaken impression that I can give birth while wearing panties.

DavidS: I'm thinking you might want to avoid the slingshot effect with an elastic waistband.

"Push!"

Sproing!

"Sonofabitch!"

"Okay, that's a do-over."

Betsy: Boink city is the least of it. She's lying naked at the intersection of Hello and Sailor with her legs wide open.

More...

Betsy: A year ago, I used to go out to dinner with my husband in skirts.

Now it's silver top, black leather pants, and 3-inch-heeled Fluevog Buffy boots in black with black patent leather flames.

I blame all of you. My husband wants to send you flowers.

Who doesn't like Yoda?

Miracleman:

Him: And then Yoda does all this John Woo shit.

Me: Hee hee. Now I'm imagining Yoda holding two Glocks sideways, fighting John Travolta in a church while doves fly around in slo-mo and saying "Bring it, bitch!"

Him: You did *not* just say that.

Me: You're right. It should be "It you should bring, bitch."

Jessica: "Smell this bad when you were alive, did you? Because, if post-mortem this is, then woo -- red my face is."

Miracleman: Yoda should replace all the action movie stars.

Die Hard Yoda: "Out to the coast you should come, get together we will, a few laughs we will have."

Judge Dredd Yoda: "THE LAW. I AM!"

Terminator Yoda: "With me you must come, if to live you want."

Hee hee. I'm having fun in my own little internal world.

Phill: "We both do that if on that plane you do not get, then for the rest of your life regret it you will. Today, maybe not, but for the rest of your life and soon. Ilsa, being noble no good at am I, but hard to see it is not that three people the feelings of a hill of beans in crazy world this amount to do not..."

"...At you, kid, here is looking at."

[Cue music, refrain of "Goes by as Time Does"]

Okay, so I have to post this one:

Lena: Not to insult any members of any religion, but the door-to-door thing reminds me of a story my ex-ex-boss used to tell, about his college years. The man lived with a hairy, overweight male student from Peru in a double-wide trailer, where they drank beer and dared each other to do the dishes on a weekly basis.

One day, my boss-to-be was having some nice vegging time when BOOM, his roommate came flying through the front door. "Quick!" the roommate says. "Grab all the beer bottles you can find and put them all around the room!" With this, the roommate bolts into the back.

My boss-to-be was puzzled but willing to go along with it, so he gathered up a few dozen beer bottles and put them in random places around the room. Moments later, the hairy, overweight, Peruvian roommate comes bounding back into the living room, clad only in tiger-skin bikini underwear. He proceeds to strew the place with a year's worth of Playboy issues.

My boss, totally nonplussed, asks what the hell is going on. His roommate grabs a bottle of whiskey and shouts, "Don't you know? THE MORMONS ARE COMING!" He then proceeds to dump half the bottle of whiskey on himself before the doorbell rings. At that, he flings open the door, revealing himself in all his splendor to the astonished mild-mannered folk on their doorstep, and cries, "Welcome! We've been WAITING for you!"

They fled in terror.

Beverly: How is Nilly?

Nilly: She's not here. She's working on the PC near this computer, the one that has Hebrew fonts, on her paper, the one that's due today. I'm her keyboard, and I'm having a hard time pushing each of my buttons down enough for their letters to appear on screen without anybody actually clicking them from above. Also, I feel kind of left out.

Okay, so I have to post this one:

Which is part of the Peruvian Squirrel Pimps discussion.

honest yo dog, people are just WRONG!

funny, but wrong.