So werid -- I was just flipping channels while I was getting Sara down for her nap, and on Oxygen, the Oprah "After the Show" show was the one with Pink. ::cue Twilight Zone music::
I always hold my own people to a higher standard.
I completely get this, and usually do the same.
Total contempt for people who don't finish college is another part the gestalt.
I've really felt this, from a lot of people. The raised eyebrows and a "You've never finished college?" And yet, I have at least three friends who have college degrees (whom I love dearly) who know jack shit about anything. None of them read, none of them are interestef in discussing anything beyond the kids or the latest episode of Survivor (which I do, too, but not exclusively) and none of them would even be interested in following or exploring the metaphors/themes on Buffy, for instance. Yet I'm the one who's "uneducated" by the popular definition.
And, completely on topic, typing that just made me extremely uncomfortable. Because I am saying that I've educated myself much more than they have, and that too is *bragging*.
Yeah...I'm not good at writing because it's a girl thing. I'm good at writing because that is the gift I was given. Maybe if my gift hadn't felt so...gender-linked I might not have felt the pressure to step away from it and pursue a "real" profession, though
I did feel lots of gender pressure from my parents, because my mother wanted me to have the success she didn't, and because my dad is completely mired in some of the old ways of thinking and was disappointed in me for not quitting journalism school and marrying G, only the second guy I ever kissed.
And I totally have the problem with taking compliments...my expectations are completely skewed.
Yeah...I'm not good at writing because it's a girl thing. I'm good at writing because that is the gift I was given.
See, that's where the ground gets really infuriatingly boggy. It's ok to be good at writing and a girl at the same time - but that's because you aren't writing about the things a guy would write about, see, you have to write about things a girl would write about. That makes it okay.
And that same junk is thrown at guy writers. Can you see a male writer not being made an object of total derision if he tried writing about stuff that traditionally only "works" for women?
Sexism is definitely a two-edged sword. And not enough people seem to get that.
Yeah...I really do know that, but it's hard talking to guy that makes more than you(as does *everyone* mind you) and they hit you with "Well, at least you get to have feelings."
As much as I see his point I still want to say "Yeah, but Visa doesn't take those."
And hearing that complaint from a rich guy "What? Running the world is a pain to you? So sad."
But as much as this post might not say so, getting to know more men on more levels has made me feel for them more. I'm just broke right now and in a position to see that empathy doesn't pay dick.
It's weird. Minimalism for some reason is supposed to be the exclusive domain of male writers - it's the Hemingway thing, or the Sir Thomas Malory thing, or whatever.
But Michael Chabon isn't minimalist, not at all; it's just that, by and large, he doesn't waste the language he uses (although I do think he could have dumped most of the Antarctica sequence in K&K quite well, thankyouverymuch). Nor was Robertson Davies.
And I do ok at it.(Not great, because my characters often go off on the tangents I do, but I wouldn't say that my style is very girly , or anything...too many drug buys.)
There really does seem to be the idea in the air that if you don't attend or finish college then that pretty much proves your overall worthlessness in life; you deserve to live like a cockroach
And it's not just that. It's also the idea that if you get a college degree, but don't use it something's wrong with you. You would not believe the number of people who think because I work on the manufacturing floor that I must not have a degree. And when they find out I do have one I'm asked, "why are you wasting it." Um, I went to college to learn as much as I could about a topic that interested me. I already had a marketable skill (electronics) that keeps me fed, clothed and housed in a manner I enjoy. I wanted to do something different for school. Deal with it. I'm pretty sure a lot of SAHMs get the same crap and it's so wrong. As if women can't raise children and have a brain at the same time. Or that a brain is ever wasted if the owner is satisfied with how they're using it.
As if women can't raise children and have a brain at the same time. Or that a brain is ever wasted if the owner is satisfied with how they're using it.
Yes, this, exactly. Nic has a theory that I've seen functioning over and over again: he calls it critical mass, as applied specifically to the individual human mind, in terms of how it relates to life experience. Basically, just an extension of "no information you retain on any level is ever wasted" taken further (farther?) to encompass the realisation that, at some point, every human being hits a level of experience where particular bits of information gathered over the years come together and the eyes (or the inner eye) goes SPROING! and said individual's understanding of said subject hits critical mass.
This conversation is pinging me big; I've always been the smart girl -- no, the Smartest Girl -- and that's been what I've been known for. Never hid it, always proud of being smart, but that's what I was. "Oh, this is my friend Erin -- she's the smartest person I know."
I have been introduced to strangers by different friends about a zillion times. And it's great that my friends are proud of me, and brag about me, but...but it's only till recently, maybe 3 or 4 years, that it hasn't bugged me a little.
I have no compulsions, illusions or shame about flaunting my brains. Not (I hope) in a "I'm so much fucking smarter than you way" but in a "Oh, yes, I've read/heard/learned X and Y about Z, and I think...." But for a long while I felt about smart the way guys feel about nice. It was a cop-out, a way of saying, well, she's chubby and not ugly, but boy, is she smart! See? Look at her dance! Woo, Go Smart Erin!
And I KNOW, flat know, that I have scared a ton of guys away with smarts. Sometimes intentionally (thank you, Muse of Sarcastic Slams) but mostly just by being me. It's only really been since my late twenties, since it didn't ping me (cause it was ALWAYS flattering, even if it did rub me wrong). I had to come to terms with the way I felt about myself as a whole person -- no, that's bullshit, I'm waxing the fucking apple -- I had to come to terms with my LOOKS before I could be introduced that way.
Ironically, now that I have come into my own as far as sexuality/looks/whatever, my friends are more likely to intro me as "my sexy redheaded friend." Now, the smart part is kinda of a bonus -- like, ooh, sexy, red-headed -- and smart, too.
I used to worry, sometimes, about no guy ever liking me because I showed my smarts. Now I don't want to deal with anyone who would care.
As if women can't raise children and have a brain at the same time. Or that a brain is ever wasted if the owner is satisfied with how they're using it.
Ding ding ding! I can't tell you how many times people who knew me in high school school act nearly put off (there's probably a better description, but it really is almost a sneering response) that I'm home with my kids. Um...Do you want the stupid raising the next generation?
