Also, a bit of emphasis on the fact that you not only get furious with them, you also love them, would probably do a huge balancing act on what she perceived as the anger of the tone.

I thought the story of Kat n' Lori's wedding, ita's story, and Tim's story went far to balance.

I feel like I'm missing something huge, like there's a big hole and I just can't see it.

I think the letter was pretty specific, and right on the money -- there are segments of fandom that make you angry. How much do you care about (potentially) pissing off that portion of your likely audience? (Not that anyone thinks they are the crazy ones....)

I thought the story of Kat n' Lori's wedding, ita's story, and Tim's story went far to balance.

I did, too, especially Kat and Lori's wedding.

And still? Just her opinion. If she's not involved in fandom, or doesn't read the same kind of boards, a little snark might go a long way with her. She might not ever get it, not the way you want to write it.

AmyLiz, I am in love with your tagline. YAY Free To Be You And Me! ("A person should do what she wants to. A person's a person that way.")

I thought the story of Kat n' Lori's wedding, ita's story, and Tim's story went far to balance.

I would have thought so, too - but remember, I don't know which essays you sent. I just saw the cover letter.

I have the feeling that hole you're not seeing is something small and simple, that would tie it all together.

Free to Be You and Me rocks. "Ladies First" still cracks me up.

I need to find someone outside fandom who is willing to beta read. I dont know anyone outside of fandom.

I dont know anyone outside of fandom

Family?

I feel like I'm missing something huge, like there's a big hole and I just can't see it.

Do you have your own story?

BNF

Which is horrifically painful to write. I keep putting it away.

Family?

Are you volunteering yours? Mine won't grok word one.