I thought the story of Kat n' Lori's wedding, ita's story, and Tim's story went far to balance.

I did, too, especially Kat and Lori's wedding.

And still? Just her opinion. If she's not involved in fandom, or doesn't read the same kind of boards, a little snark might go a long way with her. She might not ever get it, not the way you want to write it.

AmyLiz, I am in love with your tagline. YAY Free To Be You And Me! ("A person should do what she wants to. A person's a person that way.")

I thought the story of Kat n' Lori's wedding, ita's story, and Tim's story went far to balance.

I would have thought so, too - but remember, I don't know which essays you sent. I just saw the cover letter.

I have the feeling that hole you're not seeing is something small and simple, that would tie it all together.

Free to Be You and Me rocks. "Ladies First" still cracks me up.

I need to find someone outside fandom who is willing to beta read. I dont know anyone outside of fandom.

I dont know anyone outside of fandom

Family?

I feel like I'm missing something huge, like there's a big hole and I just can't see it.

Do you have your own story?

BNF

Which is horrifically painful to write. I keep putting it away.

Family?

Are you volunteering yours? Mine won't grok word one.

Allyson, one of the members of my Monday writers group provides great, smart feedback, and AFAIK isn't a member of fandom, though she watches a lot of fandom-creating shows (Buffy, Farscape, Battlestar Galactica, etc.). I can't guarantee that she'd be willing to help you out, but I could ask her if you want.

Mine won't grok word one.

Hmm. Who is your target audience? Is it fandom? Do you think they'll feel shot at?