No holes, but do they need to kill all the pursuers? If they kill two and one rides off, possibly shot, then you add a layer of tension. Is he coming back? Is he laying in wait? Should Jack go look to see if he is out there? In the morning, if you want, they could find the wounded man's horse and then find him dead, so that mystery is solved--or you could leave the question open as to where he is and have him show up later.
You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Simon ,'Jaynestown'
The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Scrappy - May 04, 2005 3:29:11 pm PDT #1795 of 10001
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Susan W. - May 04, 2005 3:31:18 pm PDT #1796 of 10001
Good Trouble and Righteous Fights
(And AmyLiz, if you happen to be reading this, it occurred to me WRT to your recent Romancing the Blog column that this story reads more like a Western than a Regency in spots.)
Connie Neil - May 04, 2005 3:33:19 pm PDT #1797 of 10001
brillig
Your idea for four pursuers is good, because it's obvious Anna's going to have to pull the trigger in that scenario. Plus, if she only wings somebody, Jack can praise her for having the courage to shoot at all, then offer to help her learn to aim properly.
deborah grabien - May 04, 2005 3:35:35 pm PDT #1798 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
I'm rather of connie's mind on this one, and also agreeing with Robin's suggestion. Add to the tension between them whenever possible, and certainly the "Is he coming back? Bringing reinforcements?" scenario is a tension-adder.
Susan W. - May 04, 2005 3:38:11 pm PDT #1799 of 10001
Good Trouble and Righteous Fights
or you could leave the question open as to where he is and have him show up later.
I don't want to go that route because I want them to be able to relax a bit not too long after this scene, because this is the phase of the story where they first have The Sex, and they're not the type to stop for sex right in the middle of running for their lives. I mean, they're in love, and in lust, but they're not stupid.
Susan W. - May 04, 2005 3:40:28 pm PDT #1800 of 10001
Good Trouble and Righteous Fights
(Annabel's dinnertime. Back later.)
Jesse - May 04, 2005 4:06:18 pm PDT #1801 of 10001
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
I'd think if one guy runs off hellbent for leather in one direction, and they go off in another direction, they could find a minute to relax not too long afterward. Especially in a cave, where they're not likely to be seen.
Allyson - May 04, 2005 4:11:37 pm PDT #1802 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
One of the agents I queried wrote and said she'd love to read what I've got, and to send it along.
Prepared for the worst, hopeing for the best, and will take all the luck you can send.
SailAweigh - May 04, 2005 4:12:16 pm PDT #1803 of 10001
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
Luck! Allyson.
Susan W. - May 04, 2005 4:12:19 pm PDT #1804 of 10001
Good Trouble and Righteous Fights
Well, they're not actually going to have sex in the cave--that'd be too soon. It is, however, when all vows of "we must obey all the rules and never for a moment forget who and what we are" start to break down.