Hands Hil pie and glitter.

Welcome to Bitches Day. Ignore the bad and celebrate the pie.

YAY Thomash!

Yay, ThomasH!

Susan, when you think about people judging you, think about how you look at other people. If Betsy or ita or Teppy post that they screwed up or lose their temper does that make you forget the amazing people they are the rest of the time? Of course not--and people here are not judging your actions more harshly than you judge others, I promise. No Buffistas is only as good as their worst post, or I'd be screwed.

Most of all, lose the ALL.

True. Though I should've said "all types of" rather than "all." Because that's one of the things I've been working on--going through the various types of situations most likely to make me lose it, and rehearsing how to handle them better. So it's not like I'm going for "I'll never stress out at an airport again" so much as, "Given that I've lost my cool over travel problems on several occasions, how can I prepare myself so that it's a lot less likely to happen?" Lather, rinse, repeat for various other stress points.

Mmmmm Pie!

Imma gonna munch on this while I watch Lost tape.

Yuck on the vertigo and annoyances combo. Vertigo complicates everything.

My dear Susan! We who beat ourselves up over not being where we want to be are leaps ahead of those that have no objective to work on their shortcomings. Introspection is not a whole lot of fun. I have so much respect for what you are trying to achieve. Working on your career, your marriage, your personal being, and your family all at the same time is a huge challenge. I know you are up to this challenge.

And it's not like you forgot your kid and that he goes to school.

how can I prepare myself so that it's a lot less likely to happen

Yup. Learn your triggers and how to short-circuit them. It took me a long time to learn that and I still get caught out more than I'd like. But I'm so much more mellow than I was in my 30's. I had a lot of anger I couldn't let go of and it came out in inappropriate behavior. It took a couple years of therapy before I felt comfortable handling a lot of that stuff on my own. And I still don't try to do it all on my own. I've got b.org, LJ and my meatspace friends to help me. In fact, I'll take all the help I can get. It just took me a while to learn how to ask for it and when not to ask for it. You'll figure out what works for you.

And it's not like you forgot your kid and that he goes to school.

Who is it that did that again?

I feel like there's almost no value in all the times I've been tempted to worry or feel guilty over something and chosen not to, because I'm just going to slip up like I did here the day before yesterday, and all people will see or remember is "Susan who always worries and beats herself up with guilt."

FWIW, I don't feel that way.

I remember once when I took a stab at keeping a (paper, just for me) journal. I'm not by any means a daily journal writer; it quickly became a place for me to get out the things that really needed to come out right then. Flipping through it after a few months, I was kind of amused to speculate about what people would think of me if they found it after I died or something - it's too bad I didn't know the word CRAXY yet, 'cause it would have fit. The things that are little worries or that you breeze through just don't come up in the same way.

But for you specifically, Susan: It's clear to me, at least, how hard you work on dealing with things and how careful you are to think things through when you're finding something really frustrating or upsetting. More and more, when you do post about things like this, I don't hear "I'm a bad mother," I hear "This is freaking me out and making me feel like a bad mother and I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting a bit here but the feeling is still there and maybe you guys can reality check me a bit, and if that doesn't work, at least getting it out will release some of the pressure building up and keep me from blowing." Except not so much with the run-on sentences and stuff.

It's obvious to me that you've made great strides. And honestly, you've got a lot of stressful shit going on. And you deal with 99% of it without getting over your head and I think you should pat yourself on the back for it.

Gets in butt-pat line behind brenda.

Whoops! Wrong line.