I feel like there's almost no value in all the times I've been tempted to worry or feel guilty over something and chosen not to, because I'm just going to slip up like I did here the day before yesterday, and all people will see or remember is "Susan who always worries and beats herself up with guilt."
FWIW, I don't feel that way.
I remember once when I took a stab at keeping a (paper, just for me) journal. I'm not by any means a daily journal writer; it quickly became a place for me to get out the things that
really
needed to come out right then. Flipping through it after a few months, I was kind of amused to speculate about what people would think of me if they found it after I died or something - it's too bad I didn't know the word CRAXY yet, 'cause it would have fit. The things that are little worries or that you breeze through just don't come up in the same way.
But for you specifically, Susan: It's clear to me, at least, how hard you work on dealing with things and how careful you are to think things through when you're finding something really frustrating or upsetting. More and more, when you do post about things like this, I don't hear "I'm a bad mother," I hear "This is freaking me out and making me feel like a bad mother and I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting a bit here but the feeling is still there and maybe you guys can reality check me a bit, and if that doesn't work, at least getting it out will release some of the pressure building up and keep me from blowing." Except not so much with the run-on sentences and stuff.
It's obvious to me that you've made great strides. And honestly, you've got a lot of stressful shit going on. And you deal with 99% of it without getting over your head and I think you should pat yourself on the back for it.
Gets in butt-pat line behind brenda.
Whoops! Wrong line.
brenda is wise.
Worshipping Thomash!! Go you!
While I'm glad that Bitches Day worked out well for some lovely Bitches, I'd like to reschedule. Pie and glitter seem to be no match for the snot monster that's decided I'm his new host. Bleargh.
It's obvious to me that you've made great strides. And honestly, you've got a lot of stressful shit going on. And you deal with 99% of it without getting over your head and I think you should pat yourself on the back for it.
t tries to pat self on back
t decides what she really needs is a good backrub
ETA--Thanks, Brenda. That's really encouraging.
mmmm, pie.
One of my friends is having a party on Saturday. I'd been looking forward to it, but she just told me that 30 people are coming, and their apartment isn't very big, and I'm not that good with crowds in tight spaces in the best of circumstances, but with the way I've been feeling lately, I'm not sure I want to go. But I really don't want to get into a pattern of "I'm not going because there will be too many people," because I know that, once I start doing that, it's really difficult to stop avoiding stuff.
Eh. Does she really know 30 people are coming? Likely a lot of them won't show up, Hil. You know how people are.
You can always go, and just "stop by"
You can always go, and just "stop by"
Yeah, I was thinking about that, but it's a 15-minute walk to the metro, and I don't really know the neighborhood that well, so that kind of seems like too much bother for just stopping by. And right now, I'm not really sure if I actually think that's too far to walk at night, or if I'm just trying to find excuses.
make your self a deal. you will go , but there is no need to stay for more than half an hour.
and Brenda is right, susan. I hadn't really noticed, but you are much more likely to Know now when you are over reacting. - and that change - really is in the last 9-10 months. and you have handled some situations well - like recognizing that the mom's group was wrong - before it got to the point of you being really upset.
horray Thomash! what will you be doing, will you be a cabana boy?
