He was the only baby, in a pack of 2 y.o. I'm convinced it helped him walk early, and helped him develop his speech. He loved the stimulus which was way way more than he could get one-on-one with either his Mom or I focused on him all day.

I'm going to keep this thought with me over the next few weeks. I have had to start calling it "school" instead of "daycare" so I don't start crying. "Daycare" seems so cold a word. Like she'll get lost in a jumble of kids. BUT, she'll be the baby with 3 other year plus olds, so she'll gets lots of attention. And, it *is* a school. I just...but...they don't do it like we do!!

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Actually, I didn't give the whole context of the comment, but the implication was that he's always been a bum who jumped at the chance to have his wife supporting him.

I have come to think that day cares and pre-schools are really good for kids, if only because there aren't many other opportunities for children to interact. Or so it seems in my neighborhood, anyway. Even so, the thought of putting my own child into day care is scary - I can't rationally think of an age when I would be okay with it. Ah, separation anxiety.

I also felt guilty for leaving the dog at home alone while I was at work for a long time. I got over that.

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A trope I'm really tired of is "If you're feeling guilty/worried about X, you should probably stop." You hear it about alcohol. You hear it about sexual practices. You hear it about anything that has a 12-step program.

The thing is, different people have different worry thresholds. Some people don't worry as they're chugging Everclear from a bottle while parked on the railroad tracks. Some people are still feeling embarrassed about that third glass of champagne at a sister's wedding 10 years ago.

Degree of worry does not calibrate to degree of seriousness.

Take me, for instance. My ability to focus my eyes together (binocular vision) is declining drastically. My eye doctor has prescribed therapeutic exercises. Me? I'm worrying myself sick because two possible causes of this problem are MS and myasthenia gravis. (Thanks so much, Google.) That doesn't mean I actually have either.

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Betsy, in a just universe your eyes would understand that they had given you enough aggravation and would just work perfectly. I'm glad to hear there are therapeutic exercises and hope they work as advertised.

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Also doesn't take into account that worry and guilt don't happen solely within yourself. I mean there's pressure from society and social norms, family stuff etc.

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Having tried both, the year I spent at home full-time with an infant and a toddler was much, much harder on our marriage than the year we both spent working full time with an infant.

Fair enough. A big factor in the difficulty for us wasn't just both of us working, but the commuting time with that. I still think part-time work is ideal for one parent. Kid is getting some socialization. You still get out of the house. There's still time to do a little housecleaning.

It *is* very scary when you first leave your child at a daycare. But you get used to it quickly.

I think the kind of child-rearing ita describes about Jamaica sounds intuitively to me like a very healthy set-up. Lots of cousins and aunts and uncles around too seems sane.

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A trope I'm really tired of is "If you're feeling guilty/worried about X, you should probably stop."

I honestly don't think I've heard that one much. Or I tune it out. I spend a lot more time on trying to figure out if the thing I'm worrying about deserves to be the focus of my worry rather than trying to alter myself to remove the source of worry. The fact that I worry does not mean the thing I worry about is objectively significant.

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A lot of Moms I know, are gate-keepers in one way or another. They're possessive of the kids, you hear a lot of "You're not doing it right" and putting the dad in a position of First Assistant Parent.

I find myself actively working to NOT be this way. I think sometimes hormones and nature are a double edged sword. DH is actively involved and eager to do as much as he possibly can. It's up to me to squelch my proprietary tendancies and let him.

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Aimee, my mother told me to take your approach with Scott, re letting Joe do the daddying his way. I have never been more grateful for any sort of advice in my life. Good on ya.

Actually, I didn't give the whole context of the comment, but the implication was that he's always been a bum who jumped at the chance to have his wife supporting him.

I figure even if that's true with regard to holding a more typical job, it doesn't mean he's not good with the children, or the best spouse to be their primary care giver. I was steadily employed from age 14 (and younger, if you count babysitting jobs) until Ben's birth, when I was almost 29. I also did some contract work when he was wee.

I love staying home. I'm going to have to force my ass back to work, once all three children are in school full time. Given my druthers, I'd rather not. I've become used to domesticity, and always think about how much I get done, when all three are in school at the same time--a luxury I don't have this semester at all, because Julia attends afternoon kindergarten, and only had for two hours, two days a week, last semester. However, considering how hard it is to make ends meet right now, I'm fairly certain I'll have to find something for the hours the kids are in school, once Chris is in first grade.

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My ability to focus my eyes together (binocular vision) is declining drastically. My eye doctor has prescribed therapeutic exercises.

Step away from Google, Betsy. My eyes when through a period of not focusing correctly when I was tired and after a few months of doing the exercises, it went away. That was years ago. Did he give you the exercise where you focus on a pencil at arm's length and then bring it towards your nose?

I'm one to talk, though. These days every little twinge can send me into "OMG I'm going to die."

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