Also doesn't take into account that worry and guilt don't happen solely within yourself. I mean there's pressure from society and social norms, family stuff etc.

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Having tried both, the year I spent at home full-time with an infant and a toddler was much, much harder on our marriage than the year we both spent working full time with an infant.

Fair enough. A big factor in the difficulty for us wasn't just both of us working, but the commuting time with that. I still think part-time work is ideal for one parent. Kid is getting some socialization. You still get out of the house. There's still time to do a little housecleaning.

It *is* very scary when you first leave your child at a daycare. But you get used to it quickly.

I think the kind of child-rearing ita describes about Jamaica sounds intuitively to me like a very healthy set-up. Lots of cousins and aunts and uncles around too seems sane.

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A trope I'm really tired of is "If you're feeling guilty/worried about X, you should probably stop."

I honestly don't think I've heard that one much. Or I tune it out. I spend a lot more time on trying to figure out if the thing I'm worrying about deserves to be the focus of my worry rather than trying to alter myself to remove the source of worry. The fact that I worry does not mean the thing I worry about is objectively significant.

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A lot of Moms I know, are gate-keepers in one way or another. They're possessive of the kids, you hear a lot of "You're not doing it right" and putting the dad in a position of First Assistant Parent.

I find myself actively working to NOT be this way. I think sometimes hormones and nature are a double edged sword. DH is actively involved and eager to do as much as he possibly can. It's up to me to squelch my proprietary tendancies and let him.

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Aimee, my mother told me to take your approach with Scott, re letting Joe do the daddying his way. I have never been more grateful for any sort of advice in my life. Good on ya.

Actually, I didn't give the whole context of the comment, but the implication was that he's always been a bum who jumped at the chance to have his wife supporting him.

I figure even if that's true with regard to holding a more typical job, it doesn't mean he's not good with the children, or the best spouse to be their primary care giver. I was steadily employed from age 14 (and younger, if you count babysitting jobs) until Ben's birth, when I was almost 29. I also did some contract work when he was wee.

I love staying home. I'm going to have to force my ass back to work, once all three children are in school full time. Given my druthers, I'd rather not. I've become used to domesticity, and always think about how much I get done, when all three are in school at the same time--a luxury I don't have this semester at all, because Julia attends afternoon kindergarten, and only had for two hours, two days a week, last semester. However, considering how hard it is to make ends meet right now, I'm fairly certain I'll have to find something for the hours the kids are in school, once Chris is in first grade.

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My ability to focus my eyes together (binocular vision) is declining drastically. My eye doctor has prescribed therapeutic exercises.

Step away from Google, Betsy. My eyes when through a period of not focusing correctly when I was tired and after a few months of doing the exercises, it went away. That was years ago. Did he give you the exercise where you focus on a pencil at arm's length and then bring it towards your nose?

I'm one to talk, though. These days every little twinge can send me into "OMG I'm going to die."

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Did he give you the exercise where you focus on a pencil at arm's length and then bring it towards your nose?

Yip.

Thanks for the reassurance.

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So those kinds of exercises will strengthen the eye muscles, not just stress them further? Oh, good.

Anyway, the reason for this post. I need some serious medical test and sanity ~ma. Tomorrow morning Hubby gets an endoscopy to check out what his cardiologist described as a shadow he saw on the last chest X-ray. Doc got very vague when asked what that shadow might be. Hubby said, "You're thinking cancer, aren't you." Doc has known Hubby for a few years now and didn't confirm or deny, but his non-confirmation/denial had a bit of "I'm glad I have a smart patient" involved.

He had a bout of colon cancer, but that got taken care of more than five years ago and he's been clean. With the constant care he's under, anything they spot now should be fairly small--hell, it could be benign, it could have been just a shadow and there's nothing there. But his coping mechanisms are starting to fray a bit, and we could use some good news. Interestingly, esophogeal cancer can interfere with heart function. Damned interconnectivity.

Oh, and if everything turns out hunky dory here, we're scheduled for more spinal surgery in July, and there's some arthroscopic surgery they're going to try next to try and get his arrhythmia dealt with. Scary, but it could mean that he'd be *better*. I'd give a lot for that.

So, think of us come 6:30 AM Mountain Time.

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Connie, I'll be awake and sending the ma.

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Much ~ma headed your way, Connie.

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