Drinks are on Jesse!

I won't go that far. The people I'm having drinks with still make way more than me. But I may just have that second drink. Crazy!

This is another funny thing -- I have a couple of grad school friends who CLEARLY have more ready cash than the rest of us. In one case, I think he made a ton of money in his former life, and is still spending it down. In another, she's a 30 year old whose parents pay her rent. I wouldn't mind being the former, but would rather not buy anything ever than be the latter.

Taxes are what hit us hard. Since Pete is self-employed, he loses a HUGE chunk of whatever money he makes due to taxes.

The libertarians have a point on this one. If everybody had to pay both the employer and employee parts of the Social Security tax (which is what self-employment tax is), and write a check to the government for it every three months -- it would not be a popular program.

Or if there's a word for the worldview where only the things you can quantify exist...

I can't think of a polite one.

I would have settled for an impolite one. It's not a characteristic I admire a lot, just one I tend to display sometimes.

I don't mind telling people I can't afford to go out and do something because money is tight. Because, you know, true, and understandable.

What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

I figure most people here are living pretty much the same way I live. Some months are comfy and I can go get new shoes, some yummy dinners, and an extravagant yet useless cosmetic product that promises to make me young, thin, and irresistable.

Some months I get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that not only will I not make it, but I also pray that cigarettes kill me before I get evicted.

Sometimes I worry about it, sometimes I don't, and mostly I just get the bills paid on time and wish I had a little more so I could maybe move into a better place.

There's nothing shameful about any of it, it's just living, and it's a legit thing everyone worries about like being too fat or having split ends or something.

Sorry I keep posting, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about money. When another friend was in grad school, and the rest of us had jobs, she would meet us for drinks but not dinner. I'll often just nurse one drink and a glass of water. Etc. etc. Because we talk about our financial circumstances, we all understand when people are making the choices they are, and we ALSO understand that we'd rather be together than spend money, so sometimes pasta and wine at someone's house is the best choice.

If she tells me one more time to come skiing with her, I'm going to scream.

You totally should. That's just wrong. I mean, I don't need to know the intimate details of anyone else's tax returns, but I'd hate to think I was upsetting anyone. When it came to stretching me too far, it was mostly family (and some of them signed my fucking paltry paycheques), so I bowed out with stony silence.

What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

That's not what leeches do. Leeches ask, piteously, or lurk with eyelashes aflutter.

I mean, she's got it coming in, so she can spend it however she likes. But I just can't keep up with her. If she tells me one more time to come skiing with her, I'm going to scream.

The problem here is not that you aren't telling her, it's that she isn't listening.

I recommend a brick to the head. SuzyQ, I adore you, I love your company, but I can't do the things you do. I'm poor. Let's try to find some cheap things we can do together -- wanna come over and have a pizza Friday and watch some tacky movies?

That's not what leeches do. Leeches ask, piteously, or lurk with eyelashes aflutter.

Yeah. I'm lucky enough to not have to worry about money. If that means letting someone stay in my hotel room at a con so I can have the pleasure of seeing them, works for me.

When another friend was in grad school, and the rest of us had jobs, she would meet us for drinks but not dinner. I'll often just nurse one drink and a glass of water. Etc. etc.

This is the nice thing about having a regular bar - I tend to only have to pay for half or less of what I incurred drink-wise. But yeah, I'd rather have a night in with cheap wine & a movie than not hang with my friends.

So, I'm wondering, O Buffistae Mine, how do other people (meaning all y'all) deal with it? (If, in fact, you have to?)

I've been on both sides of the coin. A few of my friends had their first children at 19 or so. I was a college student, and then working full time, and living at home, paying nearly nothing for room and board. I knew things were tight for them, not because they told me, but because they were single mothers. So I'd pick stuff up (like bring over dinner) and say it was on me, but try to let it be a big thing, like I was the big rich savior or something.

Now, they're working because their kids are grown ups or nearly so. Meanwhile, my husband and I have held our breath for 2 of the last 3 paydays (which are only once a month), I just say, "I'm broke."

If you're not comfortable with that level of revelation, maybe you can just say, "Oh, that's not in my budget this month," or strongly suggest going to more affordable places in the first place, on the grounds that you're in the mood for casual. I don't know. I think it depends on your comfort level.