but because now she lives EXTREMELY large, and I can't keep up. We go out to dinner and she wants to split a $40 bottle of wine, on the grounds that "it's *cheap,* since we're splitting it."

Yeah, that's tough. I have a similar position with regard to someone I work with who makes nearly double what I do - she keeps inviting me to go out with her and her friends, but that means trendy restos and bars that are way out of my comfort zone.

and because I don't like to talk about money/debt (see discussion above, re: people don't like to talk about money troubles), I end up spending too much when we're out together and then I fuck my bank account up.

Nodding. Spending too much or seeming anti-social by declining too often. It can be a real strain sometimes.

What really bugs me are people you send me work at like 7:00pm and then are surprised that I'm not still working. Hello?

Actually, what's worse are people who call me up at 7pm when I'm still at work, and are miffed when I tell them no, I can't do a rush job for them tonight. Because, hello, reason I'm still at work at 7pm is because I already plenty of work to do.

Has your best friend always made more that much more than you, Steph?

No. I think she's always made *more,* but not almost 3 times more. It's crazy how she spends money. She's flown to Colorado every month since November to go skiing. She buys expensive wine by the CASE.

I mean, she's got it coming in, so she can spend it however she likes. But I just can't keep up with her. If she tells me one more time to come skiing with her, I'm going to scream.

Drinks are on Jesse!

I won't go that far. The people I'm having drinks with still make way more than me. But I may just have that second drink. Crazy!

This is another funny thing -- I have a couple of grad school friends who CLEARLY have more ready cash than the rest of us. In one case, I think he made a ton of money in his former life, and is still spending it down. In another, she's a 30 year old whose parents pay her rent. I wouldn't mind being the former, but would rather not buy anything ever than be the latter.

Taxes are what hit us hard. Since Pete is self-employed, he loses a HUGE chunk of whatever money he makes due to taxes.

The libertarians have a point on this one. If everybody had to pay both the employer and employee parts of the Social Security tax (which is what self-employment tax is), and write a check to the government for it every three months -- it would not be a popular program.

Or if there's a word for the worldview where only the things you can quantify exist...

I can't think of a polite one.

I would have settled for an impolite one. It's not a characteristic I admire a lot, just one I tend to display sometimes.

I don't mind telling people I can't afford to go out and do something because money is tight. Because, you know, true, and understandable.

What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

I figure most people here are living pretty much the same way I live. Some months are comfy and I can go get new shoes, some yummy dinners, and an extravagant yet useless cosmetic product that promises to make me young, thin, and irresistable.

Some months I get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that not only will I not make it, but I also pray that cigarettes kill me before I get evicted.

Sometimes I worry about it, sometimes I don't, and mostly I just get the bills paid on time and wish I had a little more so I could maybe move into a better place.

There's nothing shameful about any of it, it's just living, and it's a legit thing everyone worries about like being too fat or having split ends or something.

Sorry I keep posting, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about money. When another friend was in grad school, and the rest of us had jobs, she would meet us for drinks but not dinner. I'll often just nurse one drink and a glass of water. Etc. etc. Because we talk about our financial circumstances, we all understand when people are making the choices they are, and we ALSO understand that we'd rather be together than spend money, so sometimes pasta and wine at someone's house is the best choice.

If she tells me one more time to come skiing with her, I'm going to scream.

You totally should. That's just wrong. I mean, I don't need to know the intimate details of anyone else's tax returns, but I'd hate to think I was upsetting anyone. When it came to stretching me too far, it was mostly family (and some of them signed my fucking paltry paycheques), so I bowed out with stony silence.

What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

That's not what leeches do. Leeches ask, piteously, or lurk with eyelashes aflutter.

I mean, she's got it coming in, so she can spend it however she likes. But I just can't keep up with her. If she tells me one more time to come skiing with her, I'm going to scream.

The problem here is not that you aren't telling her, it's that she isn't listening.

I recommend a brick to the head. SuzyQ, I adore you, I love your company, but I can't do the things you do. I'm poor. Let's try to find some cheap things we can do together -- wanna come over and have a pizza Friday and watch some tacky movies?