I meant spend the night with a relative stranger--I think family or old friends would be a different case.

You know what? MJ's apparent dysmorphia and other misc. issues are enough to make me not want my kid to spend unchaperoned time with him, even if there was never a whiff of pervy-ness. I'd be thrilled to go to the party and ride the rides or whatever, but the kid stays with me.

Not that I have kids.

There's the stat that most molested kids are molested by family or friends

Yup. Absolutely true. Statistically, the most likely person to murder me is my husband; a total stranger is far, far less likely. I still feel safe at night.

Everybody trusts somebody, and everybody can be horribly wrong.

"It is--I don't want to impugn the parents' motives here, and I am sure some of them feel that way. I still think it behooves them to be careful. I don't know if MJ is guilty, but my gut tells me he is because the prallells to the other pedophile I knew are so close. In his case, he got 13-year-olds to come hang out at his house because it was so much fun for them. He had a projection TV and 8 million videos and guitars and amps and a killer sound system they could all play with and they all really loved hanging out with him. He was the most beloved teacher in the school. But he had all that stuff to draw them in and keep them there so he could insinuate himself into their lives." (emphasis added)

Remember, this is just my gut feeling, and like any gut feeling it could be completely wrong.

Gut instincts aside...

A completely innocent person could do all those things, right up to the itallics, for completely innocent reasons. That's the problem with saying "this is sick behavior."

A completely innocent person can send out bad vibes.

It is still smarter to trust your vibes than it is to override them.

Is that "in love" the same way she'd be in love with an actual boyfriend or husband? Or is it the complete stranger version of same?

I think that, if she ran into Tom Brady (in his street clothes) in a dark alley at 2am, she would be far less likely to be paranoid about him than about any non-famous young white man she might encounter in the same situation. Logically, she knows that she doesn't actually know him at all, but in that weird celebrity-attraction way she sort of acts as if she does.

I don't think it is normal behavior for an adult to want to hang out socially alone with children or teenagers on a daily basis.

I don't care about innocent exceptions. I will be wary and looking askance and be staying far away with any future children I have.

It is still smarter to trust your vibes than it is to override them.

Especially with your kids. If you want to put *yourself* in potential harm's way, then so be it. You are the boss of you, and can decide that. But with children, I would always ALWAYS err on the side of caution. I would rather offend someone by not letting my kid sleep over with them -- even if that person is completely innocuous -- than run the risk of my child being hurt.

Hmmm. I'm certainly very cautious with Emmett, but there are any number of adults I'd trust him to spend time with alone.

Honestly, I understand the wariness and would be very conscious about any circumstances where Emmett would be alone with another adult - and yet, I really dislike the paranoia about the subject as well. I don't think it's healthy, or necessarily valid and I think it lead to the child molestation hysteria of the 80s and 90s.