It is still smarter to trust your vibes than it is to override them.

Especially with your kids. If you want to put *yourself* in potential harm's way, then so be it. You are the boss of you, and can decide that. But with children, I would always ALWAYS err on the side of caution. I would rather offend someone by not letting my kid sleep over with them -- even if that person is completely innocuous -- than run the risk of my child being hurt.

Hmmm. I'm certainly very cautious with Emmett, but there are any number of adults I'd trust him to spend time with alone.

Honestly, I understand the wariness and would be very conscious about any circumstances where Emmett would be alone with another adult - and yet, I really dislike the paranoia about the subject as well. I don't think it's healthy, or necessarily valid and I think it lead to the child molestation hysteria of the 80s and 90s.

What Teppy said.

I love kids and I love hanging out with them, but any adult who would rather hang out with 13-year-olds than other adults is damaged. Maybe not in a way which is overtly harmful to the kid, but harmful nonetheless. Kids socializing with an adult who fears or distrusts the very nature of adulthood itself is a bad role model. We want our kids to WANT to grow up, not to despise it as a fall from innocence.

Am I the only person who wouldn't want my child to think of Michael Jackson as an appropriate adult role model, even assuming he's not a molester??

Edit: There, see? Like Scrappy Said.

but any adult who would rather hang out with 13-year-olds than other adults is damaged.

Wow, I really don't believe that's inherently true. I love Emmett's godsisters, and I was just emailing the elder (16) yesterday. She's a cool and interesting person. Is everybody who coaches teenagers suspect?

eta: okay I skimmed over the "rather than other adults" part. But while I truly understand the caution, I think there's too much freakin' paranoia on the issue as well. There's nothing healthy about Maude Flanders' battle cry of "But what about the children?" either.

David, you clearly prefer adults to children for most of your social interaction. That does not mean you don't love kids and hanging out with them.

You love adults and kids, DavidS. You have a social life beyond hanging out with your godsisters.

The point is that an adult whose primary social outlet is kids -- not just a professional coach, but somebody who then spends his evenings with more kids -- is disturbing.

Rather is the operative word. I love hanging out with kids, but I don't ONLY hang out with them.

I was going to say what Jesse said. If I intentionally made my face look like that, I hope you all would not allow your children near me.

Am I the only person who wouldn't want my child to think of Michael Jackson as an appropriate adult role model, even assuming he's not a molester??

Not every valuable adult in a child's life is an "appropriate role model".

We had an elderly neighbor when I was a kid. He grew his own roses and made pickled quail eggs, both of which he brought to us. His own grandchildren lived far away and we were his little girls -- he gave us a gold add-a-bead every birthday and Christmas. He was also something of a redneck and made occasional bigoted (though he wouldn't have seen them that way) statements.

I loved him, and I knew he was wrong in that. Sometimes I called him on it. I discussed the dichotomy with my Mom a lot. I was eight.