He can't forgive you for saying you wanted to die? I just can't...

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE FORGIVEN FOR, ERIKA. YOU WERE TWENTY AND DEPRESSED.

Sorry, not yelling at you, just to you. Was it sullen and melodramatic, or whatever? Maybe. I don't know your whole story, but it hardly seems like something that he should even need to forgive, never mind find himself unable to forgive. On top of that, spurning your attempts to make amends? Grrrr.

P-C, I think you sprung this thing on your folks, on your mom's birthday, when they didn't even know you'd been struggling with the issue, and I just can't get really angry at them about their reaction. Maybe they're too controlling. I don't know, but you're an adult. Control is a two way street.

The only way one adult can control a second adult is if the second adult allows it. If/when you're (at least partially) relying on them for money, they are likely to feel they have more remaining parental rights than you'd like them to assert. The only way to stop that, is to take care of yourself. Be their son, not their child, if they're too controlling of your direction in life, for your comfort. If, however, you need the financial support, you've sorta gotta take the gift with purchase.

My parents had some say over what I did in school (their issue was actually where I went more than my direction), because they were paying for some of it. When I moved back home after college, I knew I was bound to live by their rules, if I wanted to essentially live off them. I paid board, but still, it was a lot easier life financially than getting an apt. To their credit, they were fairly reasonable with me.

After my dad's second heart attack, the poor guy couldn't get up to go to the john without my Mom asking him how he was feeling and what was wrong

Hubby reaches for his heart rate monitor and I'm all "do we need to go to the hospital?" And he gives me a dirty look. Which I deserve.

Now, I think maybe. But I'm not out of my mind now. Hello? (I think I was expecting too much from them because I don't think I personally stopped being a kid till I was 25.) But I was also in real trouble.

Things come out at holidays, I think, because very often there's a whole "Oh, we're all together and Norman Rockwell should have used us as his models of the perfect family, isn't it grand?" thing, and that can cause the people brooding in the corners to snap.

Alternately, the case for "If she's not in a good mood now, I don't know when she's going to be" is a good one. Unfortunately, humans being, well, human, things rarely go as smoothly as we like. Darn those stupid humans.

I'm totally wanting to kick Erika's dad's ass.

My feeling is you can demand that people close to you respect your decisions, but not that they understand them. Maybe P-C's parents will never get why he wants to do science writing. So what? Why should they? I look at my parents and brothers and there are things they do I will NEVER understand. They ain't me. I know both my brothers are baffled and maybe even a bit disressed that BF and I have been together for 11 years and aren't married. S'okay. They're both more trad than I am and they don't have to agree or even approve, they just have to respect my choice. And I, for my part, will say nothing about my littlest brother's HIDEOUS all-white living room.Well, not to him, anyway.

For what it's worth, P-C, it may very well be a good thing if they don't support you financially in your new endeavor. Even though you may have to tough it out on your own (which is in itself fairly admirable), it'll be all on you. The control they may feel they have on you will be substantially less if they don't pay for it. Not that I'm necessarily advocating you turn down such support if it turns out they'll continue to offer it. Just... it can be a good thing. Also, you get man-hugs.

Well, changing gears for a second to announce...

beathen is here!

I am her very first Person from the Internet she has met.

We have eaten spaghetti, and are now going to go see Phantom of the Opera.

beathen, would you like to say a few words?

P-C is awesome! I can't wait to meet more of you soon!!!!

beathen clearly loves exclamation points.

And now I bid you all adieu.

I broke the news on Christmas, my mom's birthday. I figured my mom would be in a good mood, and I wanted to ruin it, in the spirit of giving.

That's unkind, it's unpleasant, it's childish, and it's grotesquely self-serving. My emphasis at this moment - I have to go out and it's probably a damned good thing, because otherwise I would say a few things that are probably neither b.org-allowable nor personally forgiveable - is on number three.

Or, you know, he's saying, in retrospect, that it wasn't his best decision ever. In ironical fashion. With a dark humor.

I snort/laughed in painful sympathy when I read it.

I just got an email from my mom that my brother is all freaked over my niece saying she wants to go to a less-good college than she has always said she wanted. He is worried she is "ruining her life." My mom told me she sent him an email pointing out that my parents didn't want him to go to Princeton at 16 or me dropping out of high school either, but they believed in us making our own decisions and that it worked out for all of us and suggested he leave her alone. How oddly coincidental is that?

Say Hi to beathen for all of us.