(marking posts like a mad thing) And I am so going to rent that Hayworth Khan thing. Perfect for what I need in the way of visuals.

White Hunter, Black Heart

I loved that damned thing with a passion. Had forgotten it existed. And I do remember some of the documentary things about making the African Queen - which sits in my alltime top five most loved movies, three of which happen to have Kate Hepburn in them - and for some reason, what always sticks in my head is Bogart's breakdown rant about how cool and calm and professional and goodhumoured and unflappable Hepburn is. "GODDAMN that woman! She's got tsetse flies in her hair and ants in her underwear and LOOK AT HER!" or something along those lines.

$1.5 million. Just about enough to buy Tom Cruise's cigars.

Ugh. A little advice please?

A story I probably shouldn't tell, and a letter I probably shouldn't post to follow. My sister is going through a rough patch and I need to call her, and I don't have the faintest idea what to say. I'm going to whitefont just because:

My sister recently reconnected with the love of her life, F. They were together for about three years, but a lot of that long distance, and he eventually bailed largely for that reason. They've both seen other people since then.

She's never really gotten over him, and they recently started emailing after no contact for more than a year. Awkward, at first, but recently she says they've really started connecting again and they've both been discussing whether they need to give it another try, since they've both been kind of lost since they broke up.

[FTR, I know and like F, though I think he can be a bit immature at times. To continue:]

So today, she receives this email:

Hi [sister], my name is [J]. You probably don't know about me but I'm the girl that had a "short" relationship with [F].. Actually, short means for almost two years.

I met F in january 2003. I moved in to his last apartment (saarisvägen) in may 2003. After that we moved to a bigger apartment in february 2004. He told me that he had no contact with you whatsoever and I also know that he never told you about me since he did'nt want to hurt your feelings.

Anyhow, november last year I started to get tired of our relationship, I was tired of beeing the one with a decent job,life and money. So I told him that I wanted to have a break or something. I moved in with a friend of mine for two weeks, and that helped a lot. Everything was great after that, he told me that he couldn't do without me and wanted to try again since he loved me. I loved him too so we tried again. Then I read the mail that he sent you and I realized that he wasn't honest with either of us. I threw him out of the apartmenat and he moved in to a friend of him. After that he found a room to live in. Last time we slept together was like 2 weeks ago...

I don't want to be mean, i just want you to know the truth. He's a tricky bastard, don't deserve either me or you.

Best regards, J

What the fuck does she do with that? More to the point, what the hell do I say to her? I need to call her back in a few.

Well, he wasn't dating your sister when he was seeing this girl, right? And that letter sounds like every "back off sister, I'm a psycho" ex-gf letter I've ever seen.

She's NOT writing your sis from purely philanthropic reasons.

Oh, CHRIST, brenda. That's a honker.

I honestly can't think of a damned thing you could say by way of you instigating the conversation. Immediate gut take is that you swallow your desire to beat this guy to death with a ball peen hammer and just let her lead the conversation for a bit.

edit: Erin has a good point, too - but I'm curious about how this woman got your sister's email.

Brenda, there are almost no words, but I have a few anyway. They may not help you (and by extension your sister) at all, but this is what I would do.

Mostly listen, because she's going to be justifiably devastated. There is no wrong emotional reaction. Screaming, crying, throwing things-anything short of harming herself or someone else is fair game.

Don't tell her what to do. No matter how much you might want to. (Personally, I hate following this advice myself, but ultimately we do all have to make our own choices.)

If this is true (and I mean she shouldn't take either of their word for it at this point) he's probably not the man she thought he was. He may still, however, be the man she loves. If she does decide to continue (and he gets no fuckin' vote on that if she decides not to) I hope she proceeds slowly, and does not allow this person to move in or be supported financially.

This woman did her a favor, little as it may feel like it right now. I say that, even if it's a lie, because how he reacts will tell a lot about whether this is a good time to rekindle the old flame.

I'm gonna let this go to post, because I know time on you. I hope it helps a little.

P-C, your travelogue is wonderful. I've been so busy this week I hadn't had time to do more than skim it until now.

Thanks, Kristin (and Java cat). The travelogue part is basically over, though. Next week, I start posting the more personal accounts, which I think are more fun and entertaining.

God, the drama in this girl's life. The email came in while she was on the phone with a good friend and talking online with the boy in question.

She's got her head on straight though. She told him to call her later, spent a half-hour hashing over the email with her friend, and then called him back. They had a looong talk, and are at a fairly even place, as much as can be. Nothing resolved, of course, but she was very upfront with him and made him answer some tough questions. She'll process the answers in her own time.

and does not allow this person to move in or be supported financially.

Well, he's in Sweden, so no worries there. For the short-term, anyway.

Now she's drinking champagne and seems pretty okay. (There's no beer in the house.) What she'll decide or do is uncertain, of course, but she's doing all right for the nonce.

Info, info, info is the key.

But champagne, dude, that's better than a boyfriend.

Did he cop to it? A cousin of mine discovered that her fiancé was doubly-affianced -- and that she was scheduled to marry him second, by a month.

Sometimes I wonder about people.

I just discovered that I can make incense. I'm all excited. I don't like the stuff, but Nick loves it. He thinks I should sell it, and the soap and bath bombs, on consignment at a local shop.

I also made the horrible mistake of clicking on the second of ita's links, thinking it would be the least distressing (or not thinking at all, I realize) and am now deeply traumatized.

I love reading this thread. All the lovely information about the shoot at the foot of Mt. Meru, and the working together stuff, so neat.

Betsy, you did the right thing. Hairpats and glitter and chocolate to you.

Hil, I was sending exam-ma too, though also as untyped as Ginger's. I'm glad the test went well.