Well, he wasn't dating your sister when he was seeing this girl, right? And that letter sounds like every "back off sister, I'm a psycho" ex-gf letter I've ever seen.

She's NOT writing your sis from purely philanthropic reasons.

Oh, CHRIST, brenda. That's a honker.

I honestly can't think of a damned thing you could say by way of you instigating the conversation. Immediate gut take is that you swallow your desire to beat this guy to death with a ball peen hammer and just let her lead the conversation for a bit.

edit: Erin has a good point, too - but I'm curious about how this woman got your sister's email.

Brenda, there are almost no words, but I have a few anyway. They may not help you (and by extension your sister) at all, but this is what I would do.

Mostly listen, because she's going to be justifiably devastated. There is no wrong emotional reaction. Screaming, crying, throwing things-anything short of harming herself or someone else is fair game.

Don't tell her what to do. No matter how much you might want to. (Personally, I hate following this advice myself, but ultimately we do all have to make our own choices.)

If this is true (and I mean she shouldn't take either of their word for it at this point) he's probably not the man she thought he was. He may still, however, be the man she loves. If she does decide to continue (and he gets no fuckin' vote on that if she decides not to) I hope she proceeds slowly, and does not allow this person to move in or be supported financially.

This woman did her a favor, little as it may feel like it right now. I say that, even if it's a lie, because how he reacts will tell a lot about whether this is a good time to rekindle the old flame.

I'm gonna let this go to post, because I know time on you. I hope it helps a little.

P-C, your travelogue is wonderful. I've been so busy this week I hadn't had time to do more than skim it until now.

Thanks, Kristin (and Java cat). The travelogue part is basically over, though. Next week, I start posting the more personal accounts, which I think are more fun and entertaining.

God, the drama in this girl's life. The email came in while she was on the phone with a good friend and talking online with the boy in question.

She's got her head on straight though. She told him to call her later, spent a half-hour hashing over the email with her friend, and then called him back. They had a looong talk, and are at a fairly even place, as much as can be. Nothing resolved, of course, but she was very upfront with him and made him answer some tough questions. She'll process the answers in her own time.

and does not allow this person to move in or be supported financially.

Well, he's in Sweden, so no worries there. For the short-term, anyway.

Now she's drinking champagne and seems pretty okay. (There's no beer in the house.) What she'll decide or do is uncertain, of course, but she's doing all right for the nonce.

Info, info, info is the key.

But champagne, dude, that's better than a boyfriend.

Did he cop to it? A cousin of mine discovered that her fiancé was doubly-affianced -- and that she was scheduled to marry him second, by a month.

Sometimes I wonder about people.

I just discovered that I can make incense. I'm all excited. I don't like the stuff, but Nick loves it. He thinks I should sell it, and the soap and bath bombs, on consignment at a local shop.

I also made the horrible mistake of clicking on the second of ita's links, thinking it would be the least distressing (or not thinking at all, I realize) and am now deeply traumatized.

I love reading this thread. All the lovely information about the shoot at the foot of Mt. Meru, and the working together stuff, so neat.

Betsy, you did the right thing. Hairpats and glitter and chocolate to you.

Hil, I was sending exam-ma too, though also as untyped as Ginger's. I'm glad the test went well.

Did she defenestrate him?

He copped to some of it - and some of it H already knew, and apparently the girlfriend thought she didn't.

As to the email address, he says that his email passwords got mysteriously changed yesterday....which I don't see any reason for him to make up, and she did cop to having read some emails. That's a bit telling, anyway.