{{PC}} I am not so oblivious as I sound today.

{{Deena}} I haven't talked to you in forever either.

Trying to go slowly. I think what I need to do today, first, is refresh my memory on the types of potassium channels.

(The reason the freakout came today is this is the first day since I got back that I have nothing scheduled (besides The O.C. ). The day is completely mine, and that's way too much day for me to have to deal with. It means that every second of every minute of every hour should theoretically be devoted to my Master's.)

P-C, there's a reason "shitty first draft" is such a popular catchphrase in writerly circles.

I mean, I wrote some lame, limping dialogue for my hero and heroine last night. And felt horrible about it, because if their dialogue doesn't work, they don't have chemistry, and if they don't have chemistry, it's stupid and implausible for them to have a whirlwind affair, which makes my whole book stupid and implausible, and so on.

But I left it as is, because I've finally learned that if it doesn't come easily, I need to leave it alone for awhile. I can't fix it while I'm in the middle of it, stressed about it being bad. But I can nearly always fix it.

Shitty first drafts. Let them happen. Trust me, you can write.

I'm really sorry, Gud.

Shitty first drafts. Let them happen. Trust me, you can write.

Yup! Sometimes you just have to get something on paper so you can work with it.

Also, insent, PC. Sorry it's taken me so long.

Hey P-C, have you seen this? [link]

Nora, sounds like my car experience, except my dad did a lot of the repairs and "let" me help. I realized, looking at your list, that I could probably fix most of the things wrong with your car. Where is that teleporter, anyway?

Gud, that sucks. It sucks bigtime. Try to keep your heart and your head clear; that's a first step.

You know, P-C, you're, what? Early twenties? Lose the idea that you're going to be super-brilliant out the gate, check around with some of the journalism programs and see if they can hook you up with people who can give you advice on how to do it properly, check with career counsellors and your local version of craigslist about interning, and prepare to apprentice yourself to a creative skill. If it takes a while - and it very well might - you can deal. It's not as if you haven't got seven billion options. You are not, after all, an old man.

(bracing Deb lecture)

I realized, looking at your list, that I could probably fix most of the things wrong with your car. Where is that teleporter, anyway?

Yeah, like you don't have enough to do! If you had a teleporter and came to Somerville, no way I'd let you touch our car! We'd have tea and scones instead. And giggle and watch DVDs. Boo-ya!

I'm used to the fact that I/we spend a lot of money on having someone conveniently located in Boston/Cambridge fix the car, usually within a business day or 2. I feel like I trust the mechanics we have now, and I'm OK with that, having had serious issues with family friends in CT fix my car (while I still lived in Somerville), take over a week or 2 to get it back, it not being done correctly, and having to deal with interpersonal bullshit with trying to get it done right. When I dumped my previous mechanic, it was like I'd broken an engagement.

Now I pay to get it done fast, right the first time, and near work, and it's all business. Heaven.

(bracing Deb lecture)

Heh, I got the party started on bracing lectures for you, Deb. you say it better anyway.

I think you have made a sane and rational decision that will ultimately increase your happiness, P-C. YOu have a little panic now, because change is scary, and yo have a lot to do. I can relate. I just figured out what I think I want to do about this whole career thing and it is suddenly up in the air if I am even going to work for a living. But the end result is going to be much more what you want than listlessly working in labs on projects you aren't that interested in for the rest of your life.

This this this.

Remember, P-C, I'm just now finally crawling out of the career I thought would be lifelong to pursue a dream I never thought I had a chance at. It's scary as hell, but it's also liberating and exciting. One. Hour. At. A. Time. You will get through this.

P-C, if you start getting to the point financially, where food, shelter, and bills are a problem, there's nothing shameful about getting a plain old job, while you work on your career.