Gronk. This 5-day workweek is killing me, yo. (Due to the holidays, I worked two 2-day workweeks in a row, and so this week feels unjust.) I am so fucking tired, and I went to bed at 10:30 last night. Need more coffee. And I have a headache.

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I think some of my anxiety has been caused by sinus-induced dizziness. I feel all lurchy and then I panic.

I saw some research a while ago that postulated that most phobias are the result of inner ear disturbances or one kind or another. I think there's some validity in this, because now that I'm on several blood pressure drugs, being in a hot shower makes me woozy. Our shower is an old iron tub and creaks a lot anyway, so the creaking and my instability were combining to make me very anxious about being in there. Unfortunately, one can't function with a shower anxiety, so I'm being very good about psyching myself up--and keeping one hand on the wall at all times.

What sucks is that I can't lounge in a hot bath anymore without feeling uneasy, and I got lovely Lush bubble bath stuff after my hospital stint, and it's going to waste. And it's winter, prime hot bath time. Must try again.

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Yeah, snow days aren't nearly as much fun when you're an adult. I'll take snow over freezing rain, any day.

Don't get me wrong. I think the relief I feel when it is a snow day is nearly as extreme as the joy I felt, as a child. It's just that relief != joy. I like having my babies home with me though, although I've already hollered at the two older ones.

Julia was supposed to have her friend E over after school, today. I warned her last night that if it was an official snow day, or if it was a mom-called snow day, we'd have to postpone. She was unhappy when she got up, and learned it was an official snow day. Then Ben was on me about making sure I told Julia that Emily wasn't coming. I told him to drop it (there's a whole rubbing-it-in thing going on, I think, plus he's just specific enough to want an official mom-announcement of a no playdate day). He didn't. I hollered at him for that, and at her for pouting.

I had put up with her pouting for a little while, because I understand she's disappointed. But finally, I explained (I didn't really holler at either of them actually--just used the stern voice) that her behavior made me less inclined toward playdates, because life is what happens when you've made other plans, and if she could roll with it a little better, I inclined to make more playdates, only to set myself up to have a sullen kid, each time something got postponed for one reason, or another).

Everyone is being a little better now. *g*

Oooh. Poor Emily. A wet dog in the bed sounds like no fun at all.

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I saw some research a while ago that postulated that most phobias are the result of inner ear disturbances or one kind or another. I think there's some validity in this, because now that I'm on several blood pressure drugs, being in a hot shower makes me woozy. Our shower is an old iron tub and creaks a lot anyway, so the creaking and my instability were combining to make me very anxious about being in there. Unfortunately, one can't function with a shower anxiety, so I'm being very good about psyching myself up--and keeping one hand on the wall at all times.

That's really interesting, connie. The hot shower actually seems to help me, but I still get what you mean. Does the heat lower your b.p. Is that the issue for you, or does it raise it?

If I realize my sinuses (and/or ears, by the way) feel full (which can be a common feeling for me, from October to June, that it seems I fail to notice it), I don't seem to have the panic attacks. If I realize I'm feeling a panic attack coming on, the panic attack isn't nearly so bad. The hormones seem to be what pushes me over the edge, but that's fairly predictable for me, too. I haven't taken any antihistimine though, because they also seem to induce anxiety, so I save them for more serious symptoms.

Also? Have been both cutting down on the coffee, and on the strength of the coffee (bless dh, for going along with that second one), which seems to help. A lot.

As does wine. Sadly, wine + parenting isn't really a workable solution. Oh well, it was nice having the kids here for a while. I hope they write.

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You know what I need right now? A book of quotes. Too bad there isn't this electronical way to access that kind of information.

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Hee, funny bug. You do know of bartleby.com, right? [link] In this case, you don't even need Google. Don't tell Google that though, it'll hurt its feelings.

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Cindy, you're COMM'd, but I'll take it down if you're not comfy.

vw, whatcha workin' on?

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[link]

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Comfy, juliana? Are you kidding me? I am proud to disclose my uglier fantasies for COMM validation, any day o' the week.

(That is to say, thank you.)

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Does the heat lower your b.p.

According to Doc, the heat opens the blood vessels, which lets the B.P. drop. Depending on heat, it can happen pretty quickly. Doc didn't seem too concerned. "If it gets too bad, turn down the shower." Oh, well, OK.

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