I just... I just don't want people to go around thinking I attempted to kill someone and failed. I would be mortified.

No one will ever get to say I tried to kill them.

No one will ever get to say I tried to kill them.

Unless they are Darla.

Killing with cake... if you have to go, that's a great way to go.

You fall into the koi pond at the botanical gardens; you fall in the street and knock out two teeth; you break your hand in karate; you are injured in a golf cart accident; and you get eight stitches from a defective wine bottle and nobody ever lets you forget it.

You forgot getting attacked by a beserker cat.

My life was made so much nicer by the high school drama class in "how to fall." Since falling has been unavoidable throughout my life, knowing how to land without, or with minimal, injury was a valuable skill to learn.

Skipping a kajillion posts to say hi!

Seekrit Pornographic Message for Daniel:

Now that I have all y'all's attention xoxoxooxxoxoxxo___ooxoxoxoxxooxox

And now back to your regularly scheduled non-porn. Or porn. Whatever.

My life was made so much nicer by the high school drama class in "how to fall."

This is the whole reason I started taking martial arts in the first place. The school I chose spent the first several weeks teaching you how to fall...including at speed and from height. So now when I wipe out, I bounce right back up.

Because no, years of martial arts have not improved my ability to say, walk down the sidewalk, or through a door without hitting the frame.

Porn received. Off to work.

Porn received. Off to work.

Another buffista starts their day.

Timelies. Gronk. That's about all I can manage this morning.

FTR, I think that's the first time I have not been tempted to look at "super seekrit" whitefont.

M's funeral was yesterday. It was a lovely service, I'm sure it was just what she wanted. I gave the eulogy, on D's request.

The wake was just as M wanted, everyone enjoyed themselves. Then, when it was winding down, Gareth caused a scene. We were all going home, he demanded to come back too. Everyone was too wrecked to deal with him too, so he was told no. Since now I'm back, I was the one standing between him and D. As usual, he became abusive as soon as he didn't get his own way. And then he got someone to drive him over anyway, and he stayed pretty much as long as he wanted - which, of course, was as long as it took to demonstrate that his was the only opinion that mattered. And he threatened to come around again today.

He came around today too, but the only other person around was Kathleen. She went home once he turned up, then called the rest of us to warn us. So everyone else stayed away until he'd gone.

I don't need this kind of stress. I feel like I was barely able to stay upright until after the eulogy. I got to offload for about twenty seconds, while D and I were alone in the house after the wake before everyone got back (especially, of course, Gareth). And now I need to hold it together until Gareth's not an issue for the rest of us.

billytea, I'm sorry. That kind of family dynamic is the last thing you and the rest of your family needs.

You're all in my thoughts. I am so very glad you are there to to stand between G and D, though.