I swear to god, I would never leave my house during winter. I would huddle in a fetal position in front of a fire for four months.

You can't imagine my dismay at not being able to hibernate.

so I think I made it to the next round

Yes, and you need a hyphen between above and ground.

I just had an appointment moved an hour. I was about to leave for it. Think I will leave anyway and stop by the zoo for the time. Because I can hike for 40 minutes and not stress that I am not going to the gym because my yoga pants are filthy rantybrain. And there are naked mole rats.

Yes, and you need a hyphen between above and ground.

Seriously? I actually was typing it as one word "aboveground". Though I didn't in my post. Because I am a bonehead. (eta: Word doesn't like the hyphen. And congrats on making it to the next round, Dana! As well as sympathy on the taking forever part)

Other things I don't understand:

Why Lyle Lovett isn't more popular

Why I am getting asked "why was this done this way" questions about a part of the project I didn't work on, by the person who did work on it.

Why I have to spend the day in the office, when I should be outside, driving fast, with the top down.

Why I still have my headache, after 3 advil.

I don't get it professionally, but my mother-in-law invariably has to explain to me in great detail that she didn't expect to get to talk to me, that she was planning on leaving a message, but now that she gets to talk to me she is just so pleased! before she actually gets around to telling me what she was leaving a message about.

Are there commercially available products that do that ear irrigation thing, without, you know, having to talk to a human and go actually see a doctor? I seem to remember my mom doing it to me when I was a child, with the little blue ball squegee/syringe/squishy thing.

There's always the long, long silence, and the bewildered question about the voice mail, to which the increasingly weary answer is "I am the voice mail." You'd think that leaving a message with an actual human would be a novelty, but the caller is almost invariably bewildered and mournful at the prospect.

Here's the thing about that. If I'm leaving a message with a person, I just want to give them my name and number, not my whole life story. Voicemail will get the life story. Or at least, a detailed description of why I'm calling. So while it is nice to speak to a human, and I understand that people's reaction is annoying, I tend to give the person I'm calling more information via voicemail.

Things I don't understand:

• Giving birth to a 16 pound baby. Ouch!

• how "The Parkers" managed to stay on the air long enough to go into syndication

• why it's so hard to get a straight answer from the phone company

• why it's not 6:00 yet so I can go home

I actually was typing it as one word "aboveground". Though I didn't in my post. Because I am a bonehead. (eta: Word doesn't like the hyphen. And congrats on making it to the next round, Dana! As well as sympathy on the taking forever part)

Well, Word is a poopyhead, because if you don't have a hyphen, the assumption is that "above" modifies "vault" and not "ground". Although I guess technically, "above" is an adverb, not an adjective...but it looks better.

Things I don't understand:

- Why the phone only rings as soon as I get online, making it appear that I am always online. Okay, maybe I am always online.
- What is wrong with my thrice damnable budget numbers that mean that sheet A does not match up with sheet B despite having been entered directly from the data in sheet B.
- Why you are getting snow and I am not.

Things I don't understand:

• Paris Hilton (subtracting the Richest Trainwreck on Earth factor)
• People who think it's OK to pick on other people's diets
• Non-dairy creamers