Preliminary. May post longer about this later.
2004 has been a year of ups and downs. I got to spend time F2F with many Buffistas I adore. I wish that time could have been longer in all cases.
Financially, this has been one of the roughest years on record. I spent pretty much the entire year unemployed, at least in the steady-day-job kind of way, and that was very, very difficult for me.
On the upside, most of the work I did do was in theater or film, which, while rough on my pocketbook, was very good for my soul. Most recently, I took up working on a stage show that has been one of my greatest professional pleasures to be a part of. Now if I can just get that to make enough to make a living, I'll be a happy, happy man.
Speaking of happiness, even when I am happy, I don't think I'm all that happy. I have quite a temper problem, one that for quite a while I thought I had under control, but which the last several years have made evident that I do not.
I also find myself continuously angry at the world for not being a better place than it is. I feel very bitter and betrayed most of the time, by life in general. I imagine some who would read this would laugh at me for that alone, but I engage in schadenfreude myself from time to time, so who am I to begrudge?
Like many, the election left quite a bad taste in my mouth, so I shall speak no further of it.
Two of my best friends had their first child, who is by far the most beautiful person I've ever met. I adore little Emmaline far beyond any capacity I ever imagined I had to adore someone. Though I'm still not sure I'm spelling her full name right.
I also learned my sister was pregnant with her first child, and some time in March, I will become an uncle. This pleases me beyond measure.
I have other thoughts, but I must return to hosting duties soon. On the whole -- I don't know. I don't know how the good weighed against the bad, but I try to focus on the good, and let the bad be forgotten.
I also feel priveleged beyond measure to be entering my third year of Buffistahood, and count myself rich beyond the dreams of avarice for the incredible friends I have found right here on this posting board.
As odd as I've felt of late, perhaps 2004 wasn't so bad after all.
Not SailAweigh, but James Marsters, I would guess.
The millenium came.
See? Gus is right, again!
Except that millennium is spelled with two n's, Gus.
Ok, it is all about boys and nookie up in this thread.
Time for Gus to go have his own life. Lysana, I applaud your spiritual awakening. A
lorica-
tatooed Son of Dana salutes you.
The rest of you boy-chasing Buffistas: ...
t smoochies
on you all.
and a really HUGE phhbbt! for SeanK
Ok, it is all about boys and nookie up in this thread.
Am I the only one who really doesn't have a problem with this?
Chasing I may be doing, catching nsm.
My clearance rate sucks.
What? A holiday thread without packages? Sacrilege.
Kat, Lee had it right. James Marsters is my favorite actor, so except for one pic of Sean Bean, all my wallpapers are of him.
Now that it's over, as much thought about 2004 as I'm probably going to have.
I think, when I look back on my life, 2004 will be a year that I come back to over and over again, with milestones for me in every area.
I have spent this year strattled on the edge of adult-hood, graduating in May, living on my own for the first time in August, moving to a city where all my friends were decidedly adults (as opposed to college "kids"), and starting out on what I though would be my career path.
Turns out not so much, and I spent the last month or so back at home, unemployed, and falling back into less adult roles in a lot of ways. But I think I may finally be onto something that will work for me (Any God that's willing help me if not).
Good or bad? (On a personal level) Some of both. I have more friends and better friends now than I did a year ago, but I have left most of them at some point in my relocations this year (I am so frelling sick of moving). But I will see most or all of them this year, and keep far more in touch with them than I have all but maybe 3 friends up to now, so it's not like anyone's drifting into ether. I got to hold my friends' new baby, I went to the first dance where I actually had fun, I graduated from college, got my picture taken with Elmo, petted penguins, and got to buy a big-ass stuffed panda. So, yeah, a lot of good in there.
Back on my birthday, I though about having a cookie dough party now-ish, as, at about this month, I am as old as Buffy was at the end of the series. I disagree with her metaphor, but I think I get it. I did a lot of things this year that I thought I'd never ever do (and, look! Still alive and enjoyed most of it), and decided some things that I never really thought I'd believe (Scares the living crap out of me, but better to think what I really think rather than what I think I should think. [parse that!]). I am, in a lot of ways, more comfortable with who I am than I was a year ago, and that I am deciding things for myself. But, at the same time, I lack a sense that everything I am comes together into a meaningful whole, which it seems like most of the people I know have.
My hope for 2005 is that, as I go back to school (which I had really hoped to avoid), I'll start to get more of a sense of that. I'd like to finish at least one of the big stories I'm working on. And, if it isn't too much to ask of the Universe, I'd like a proper boyfriend, because several years of complicated and problematic-to-define relationships is really quite enough, thanks. I'm looking forward to seeing people (and having people to see) all over the place, a trip to New Orleans this May, a probable trip to England this summer, and Next Year in Vegas!. There's a lot of holding pattern on the horizon, but a lot of happening, too. I'm very ready to see what's next.
