This year, this year....

Good things? All involved people, travel and creativity. Nilly and the party weekend for her, were splendid. I got to Minneapolis for juliana and Z's wedding, and we got to LA a few times. Seattle at Halloween rocked the house, and I got to do theatre with juliana. My trip back east in May was excellent, and I got to stay with Jess and Ethan, and see my daughter, and meet my editor, and lay a lot of old demons about my years in NYC, and discovered I can actually be comfortable and slightly detached in Manhattan for at least a few days, so let's hear it for the other biggie in the middle of the year, which was my fiftieth birthday. My generation, especially the rockers, weren't supposed to see fifty.

And a bad thing was a midlife crisis from hell, a lost year that I'd buried long ago suddenly leaching its way up to the surface of active memory, and triggering a flood of stuff I really wasn't in any way prepared to deal with. But thanks to friends for putting up with the ongoing memory meltdown, and much love to Teppy for starting the GWW drabble community, which, this September, probably saved my sanity.

The election, yes, well. Not going there. Unlike many, I don't give a rat's rotisserie whether anyone's offended by my loathing for the NeoCons and my conviction that we're been defrauded, but I'm using what energy I still have to work to publicise it. More, with the needing to survive something.

And Nic was out of work for months, got a brilliant yearlong at least contract, and got diagnosed with diabetes, which is not good, not good at all.

But I publicised one book, am promoting a second, finished and turned in a third, have begun two more, had a short story published and two more looking to be published.

I want a good year in 2005, for everyone. We shall see.

Can I share your number Cass? No? Ah, well. Ima reserve my reaction to 2004 until I recover my equilibrium.

However, I will say that I hope to get my seekrit santa package mailed tomorrow. It's shiny.

editted for clarity.

Present has been mailed!

Oh, right. Election. I think I've got post traumatic stress, and am blocking that out of my mind, see...especially with the living in the center of it.

Though I also remember that the night before the LAST Inauguration, I did some really stupid shit. And not in a good way. So I think I may need to be out of town this time...(but see above--I can probably arrange that with work!)

2004. Well, except for the election, about which I won't speak, it was an okay year. I got a promotion, which came with too much work/stress and too little extra money, but still, promotion, and I remind myself almost every day to remember how glad I am to finally have a job I don't hate, that pays me enough money to live the way I want (minus a few luxuries). I lost a few pounds, got myself off antidepressants, got done with a toxic relationship, turned 41, which means I survived turning 40, found a rockin' great therapist, learned I shouldn't drink heavily ever again (especially at a business function), started paying off debts for real this time, and started writing a book that may, fingers crossed and knock on wood, get in front of an agent pretty soon.

2005, I expect great things from you, buddy. No excuses.

2004--was a year. The good things, I got to go to DC for the F2F and meet many Buffistas for the first time. And I got to go to San Francisco for the Nillytour, and meet more Buffistas--and Nilly!, and see ones I'd already met.

Otherwise, I made some good friendships, re-cemented some that had separated at the seams. We didn't go belly-up financially, though it was a near thing. Neither DH nor I died, or killed anybody, or each other, so that's a plus.

I guess if I can make it through 2005 with nothing worse, that'll be a victory of sorts. Is that sad? Hoping for "no worse" as the best possible? Ah well.

2004 has been... odd. Not bad, just odd.

I've been to California twice, had house guests for the first time in, well, ever, worked with a great team, managed to finally collect the entire run of the original Spider-Woman series, finish the bathroom, and, oh yeah, there's this baby on the way thing just when I'd come to terms with it never happening. I've spent more time in doctors offices in the last quarter of 2004 than in the whole of the decade before that.

When I was stuck in bed, I got great care packages from my Internet pals. Cybervixen sent me chocolates and reading/play materials. Dani sent me a lovely card and a book for the baby. Cindy kept emailing me to make sure I was alive. Cashmere sent me maternity clothing. Many of you kept me sane when I was going stir crazy and nuts, and thank you.

My main regrets are the things I didn't take full advantage of, and that I wasn't able to really have a blast over Halloween, though the ER was a somewhat surreal experience that will in time make me giggle.

Pssst, Plei, you scared the living crap out of us that night at Halloween.

One more nice thing about 2004: My husband dressed up in a pirate costume. At Pete and Jilli's. There are pictures. Jess took them.

I suck, in that I didn't even make it into the SLACKER Secret Santa exchange.

I am meara, and meara is me. Well, except for living in different places, and maybe a couple of other differences. We both thought Jessica Alba was hot in Honey, though. And we both thought the movie itself was pretty silly.

Also, I'm still a bit to poor to have really signed up for the Slacker exchange, which makes me sad because I'd love to gift one of you, but I'll get enjoyment by proxy, though.

Wow. This was a big year, full of many changes. If I'd done a tarot reading for myself last Dec. 31, I guess I would've turned over the Death card again and and again. Pretty much every condition that I started the year with is reversed now. I was extremely lucratively employed and now I'm unemployed. I had a strong start on my "bliss" job of graphic design, and now I can't do it. I was living comfortably in the States, and now I'm living a bit beyond my means in a country where I don't speak the language. I was a proud member of a DINK family, and now, despite years not wanting children, we decided we did and are halfway through the pregnancy.

But you know what? None of that is really bad. Because, at the start of the year, I was complacent, bored, and stagnating. I was looking towards a mid-life crisis at age 35, and was asking myself "Is this all there is?" And the things I had in my life that I valued beyond all else are still in my life - my husband, my cat, and my friends. So the good has stayed, and everything else has changed.

I don't know yet where the changes will end up (Will I ever be employed again? Or will I get back online and actually make my graphics business work? Will we be good parents? Will we not lose ourselves in the whole parenting thing and still be human? Will we have a cool kid?) but it will be fun to find out.

And I can't forget that at the start of the year, most Buffistas were all completely imaginary, but this year I met many Buffistas in person AIFG!

The one big thing that will mark 2004 as a negative for me is the election, and everything thereto appertaining: the results, obviously, but also the issues that became important and why; the election fraud; the lack of public interest in the election fraud; and the future bad times I foresee for the country I love. The year also held negatives of less world-spanning scope, but still painful; many friends lost pets and some lost spouses, and my heart hurts for them.

I hope that the Wheel of Fortune carries the Bush Administration down down down, and brings those I care about and those who've suffered too much some joy in 2005.