Raise your hand if you never want to hear the phrase "internal gangrene" ever ever again.

t RAISES HAND VERY HIGH A LOT

Could somebody please tell me to stop reading about the Skoptzy? Thank you.

Did Charlize Theron actually gain any weight / otherwise truly alter her real-life appearance for Monster, or whas that entirely makeup? I don't really remember...

She actually gained weight. About 30 lbs, I believe.

She actually gained weight. About 30 lbs, I believe.

Yep. And that pretty boyfriend of hers apparently loved it, especially the part where she gained a tummy. Which raised him up a notch in my books.

I will ignore all the medical talk and just note that in Laurel Canyon, Christian Bale looked, if not all that much heavier, softer and less muscley than he had in other stuff. And it was yummers.

Last night, I finally was able to watch Avalon for the first time (it's been on local tv lots recently, but I never managed to tune in until it's almost done, so I didn't bother to watch). Good period film, with an interesting look at the transition between the pre-WWII urban rowhouse living that most middle-class immigrants experienced to the postwar flight to the suburbs that their children took. For his first major role in films, Elijah Wood was excellent as the Barry Levinson child-stand-in, but I just loved Aidin Quinn and Elizabeth Perkins as his parents.

I also had one of those "Who is that actor?" moments at the end, when the Elijah Wood character has grown up and we see him as an adult with his own child going to visit his grandpa. It drove me nuts until I was finally able to go online and look him up at IMDB--it was Thomas Wood (no relation to EW, AFAIK), who played the rookie agent Newman in The Fugitive ("Don't let them give you any shit about your ponytail!").

I hate it when I have those moments, and bless the day that the IMDB was created.

I just watched Troy--or the parts of Troy when I wasn't getting a snack or going to the bathroom. Sorry, I couldn't bring myself to hit "pause."

Anyway, I began to wonder pretty early on why these ancient folk all sounded like limeys, or like actors who wanted to sound like limeys. And I couldn't really come up with a reason for it. If this had been made decades ago and John Wayne had been cast as Agamemnon, you could bet Hector might've been played by Steve McQueen, Paris by Robert Vaughn. Or whatever. They wouldn't have sounded like Brits.

Then I started to wonder what they would've sounded like if the cast and writers had been replaced by their counterparts on Deadwood. And I started to translate Troy into Deadwood as I watched it--Troy--and it got to be a lot more fun. Cocksucker.

If this had been made decades ago and John Wayne had been cast as Agamemnon, you could bet Hector might've been played by Steve McQueen, Paris by Robert Vaughn.

Of such thoughts are things like "The Conqueror", with John Wayne as Genghis Khan (?) and "The Vikings", with Kirk Douglas, made.

The One True Agamemmnon is Sean Connery.

t /unrepentant Time Bandits fan