while the entirety of The Sphere is a steaming pile of nonsense.

Yeah. I just kept on thinking, "This is badly written." Like, major stuff wasn't set up well, and the characters were often nonplussed about things that should have had them screaming, "WTF?!?" Oh, and the characters were idiots. These flaws sometimes distracted me from the non-sensemaking.

To sort of repeat whatt Nutty said, drop the last half hour, The Abyss isn't a bad movie.

Yeah. When the aliens show up to Teach Us a Valuable Lesson About Peace and Love, is when the movie goes to hell.

Stupid hippie aliens....

I saw some movies on the plane. I,Robot wasn't too bad. About what you'd expect.

Catwoman was terribly awful, as you'd expect. The director may be on crack, and I have no idea why that movie got made at all, and why it still bothered to mention DC Comics. The bits I saw of Tarzan the Wonder Car were better.

Shark Tale was okay, though I found it interesting that the original title, Sharkslayer, may have been more appropriate, but maybe they decided that would give away the actual plot of the movie, which is one that's been done a thousand times. There were definitely some pretty good jokes, pop-culture and regular, but I couldn't get past how nonsensical the entire world was. They're fucking UNDERWATER and they're flipping through PAPER like it's NOTHING. They treat being underwater like everyone's just flying, or something. It made me miss Finding Nemo a lot.

I couldn't get past how nonsensical the entire world was. They're fucking UNDERWATER and they're flipping through PAPER like it's NOTHING. They treat being underwater like everyone's just flying, or something. It made me miss Finding Nemo a lot.

That's my major problem with SpongeBob

That's my major problem with SpongeBob

Huh. I didn't even think of that. My problem with it was that it wasn't very funny (especially considering how popular it was among all age groups).

Wait, Tarzan is a car now? Does that make Herbie the ape man?

I do think that, for the first 2 hours, the aliens in The Abyss serve a worthwhile purpose -- they put everyone enough on edge that the lead bad guy's insane paranoia doesn't stand out. So that you're not surprised that the characters don't notice he is insane till too late. Because, that dude was hella crazy, and if everyone doesn't have a good reason not to notice, the film suffers.

(At least, with The Thing, none of the characters had any idea what their paricular cabin-fever bugbear would be, since it was a totally new situation. But The Abyss explains what will go wrong with the lead bad guy in, like, the first 20 minutes, and then nobody remembers it till minute 100.)

Wait, Tarzan is a car now?

It's a Hindi movie. A guy designs a car, and some evil car company guys kill him (to steal his design) and toss his old car into a lake. Years later, his son finds the car and restores it. Then God infuses the car with his dad's soul, and the car goes and kills the evil car company people. Also, there's a Tarzan figurine hanging from the rearview mirror. Plus, a love story and much singing and dancing in between the vicious murder. I think it's supposed to be a kid's movie.

I feel like there have been American movies like it, but I can't think of one exactly like it.

Christine, from the Stephen King novel. But no singing and dancing.

Also, there was some movie I saw on late-night USA years ago about a comet that caused a bunch of trucks at a rest stop to become sapient and they started killing their drivers. Still no singing and dancing.

But, I think even Bollywood would have trouble fitting singing and dancing into a horror movie. Actually, maybe they wouldn't. But I would like to see it!

Christine, from the Stephen King novel.

I have to read that. I did think of that, but I wasn't sure what the origin of the murderous rage was. I felt like there were stories specifically about a father being killed and possessing a car found by his son. I know there's one with Alan Thicke where he comes back as a vacuum cleaner or something.

But, I think even Bollywood would have trouble fitting singing and dancing into a horror movie. Actually, maybe they wouldn't. But I would like to see it!

Um, no. Horror movies still have singing and dancing. In recent years, there have been more movies without songs, but regardless of what kind of movie it is, there's a love story thrown in there so the lovers can have daydreams in song form.

Whup, hold up. The two horror movies I've seen in recent years did not have songs (or love stories!). But there was one pretty damn creepy one I saw years ago that probably had songs for sure because it was old school. I think I remember one about Kali, at least.

I loved the Abyss. It solidified my huge crush on Ed Harris. It has the fabulous scene in the pod with one wetsuit and two people, and the CPR scene, and Bud fishing his wedding ring out of the toilet and going around the rest of the movie with a blue hand, and Michael Biehn going bugfuck crazy. And Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as a smart, very tough cookie. (Even if she does end up the Angsty Woman at the end.)

(And yes, Farscape stole liberally from this for The Flax, but I don't care. Besides, they swapped the roles, which made it cooler.)

I usually try to forget the last twenty minutes of the movie ever happened. Except for Bud going down, down, down... that's pretty cool.