Ow! You said your dog didn't bite!

"Thet's nut mai dug."

I think the Donnie Darko essay-writing guy got Donnie confused with, say, every het male or lesbian audience member. Cuz Maggie Gyllenhaal is HAWT.

Did he assume that bickering siblings wouldn't use the word "fuck" in an argument unless they secretly wanted to? Calling Dr. Freud...

I think that was a big part of it. Also he thought Donnie's obsession with Frank was a result of his obsession with Elizabeth and her sex life. Oh, and he read it into the part where Donnie says he thinks Christina Applegate is hot, because her character was a big sister.

It was a very strange thesis.

A page or so late, but speaking of Ed Wood and his long-lost film, I watched Ed Wood last week and laughed really hard when they were reading the review of his play, and Sarah Jessica Parker asked, "Do I really look like a horse?"

Yes. Yes, sweetheart, you do.

It was a very strange thesis.

Okay, I'm reading this thing, and it's really bugging the crap out of me. He dismisses the director's explanations fo the events of the movie out of hand. Like, "Eh, whatever. That guy doesn't know what he's talking about ."

WTF?????

Plus he includes Citizen Kane in a list of movies (like Fight Club and Jacob's Ladder) that exist entirely in the main character's head.

Ummm..... I thought the whole point of Citizen Kane is that the one place we never get a look at is inside Kane's head.

Another line from the idiotic essay:

(Aside: on the original DVD commentary, director Richard Kelly remarks how special it was to have Jake's real-life sister in the role. Why? He doesn't say.

Um, possibly because real life brother and sister play more convincing brother and sister, who have an actual family resemblance?

But it does add a little extra-forbidden sexual tension to the film.)

Except for the part where it doesn't, because they're actually brother and sister, and give off no sexual tension or chemistry at all?

Perhaps this guy actually wants to sleep with his own sister.

Perhaps this guy actually wants to sleep with his own sister.

We should warn her.

Wow, I sat and read the whole thing, adn while the guy was really good at finding hundreds of little supporting details, he was also pretty good at overlooking details that invalidate his theory.

And for the record, when I trash movie critics, it is specifically Roger Ebert that I'm thinking of (along with a few critics from Ann Arbor and Detroit papers). I will now be adding Jim Emerson to that list.

::note to self: in the future, when you feel like making a generalized slam against movie critics, remember to instead say what you actually mean -- "Roger Ebert and Jim Emerson bug the crap out of me"::

I hated Gone With the Wind, until I saw it on a giant screen. The story still doesn't do much for me, but it's positively gorgeous.

I'm kind of embarassed by how much I love GWTW.