Well, you guys are depressing.

Someone -- I think maybe it was Kiba? -- once posted how grateful she was for S6 of BTVS, because the way it portrayed depression really helped her.

What makes me so sad about A:tS ending is that it's the end of the (more or less) contiguous Buffyverse, and the Buffyverse is one of the first things as an adult that I liked just because I liked it.

Let me explain. No, is too much. Let me sum up.

Through the wonders of psychotherapy, one of the things I'm exploring and trying to change is how much I need to keep people happy. And wanting to keep people happy made me decide to like things, to do things, to want things *just because* someone else did. I wanted to be in line with other people to keep them happy. (For instance, the Freak-Ass Church, and the things I was willing to believe and do for them.)

I stumbled upon BTVS one night ("Pangs," I'm pretty sure, followed by "IWRY") and was hooked right away. I didn't like it because someone else did, or because someone suggested I *should* -- I just liked it. (In fact, I got soundly mocked for liking a show about vampires, so it was pretty clear I wasn't watching it just because other people were, because nobody I knew watched it.)

It was *mine.* It was something that I liked that I was absolutely *sure* was *my* enjoyment, not my need to do the same thing as other people to keep them happy. Mine mine mine.

And now it's ending, and that makes me sad. One of the first things as an adult that helped me start to define who I am, in terms of what I want for *me*, not for other people, is ending.

It was a good ride, though.

It's odd to think of the Minearverse comers, or people that drifted this way because of Firefly.

Well, just to be clear, I have been a Buffyverse fanatic since Season 3 Buffy. I just didn't find y'all until a few months ago.

As I said elsewhere, I had been burned by posting forums and didn't know there was a group like this out there. Very sad that I joined this party so late.

It was *mine.* It was something that I liked that I was absolutely *sure* was *my* enjoyment, not my need to do the same thing as other people to keep them happy. Mine mine mine.

I know the feeling you're talking about. When you don't have to second-guess yourself and wonder whether your feelings stem from some subconscious ulterior motives.

As Angel said, "Sometimes, I miss that clarity."

Very sad that I joined this party so late.

Joins KristenT in that corner. Brings pitcher of Mudslides.

Oo Mudslides!

looks around furtively, hoping students in hallway don't notice

Through the wonders of psychotherapy, one of the things I'm exploring and trying to change is how much I need to keep people happy. And wanting to keep people happy made me decide to like things, to do things, to want things *just because* someone else did. I wanted to be in line with other people to keep them happy. (For instance, the Freak-Ass Church, and the things I was willing to believe and do for them.)

Huh. Y'know, this is my current project in therapy. I'd never really thought about it in connection with the FAC. Despite noting while down the coast that my Christian beliefs themselves had played into that attitude.

looks around furtively, hoping students in hallway don't notice

Yeah, kids keep walking by my desk too. I've challked the day up to a loss as it is.

Y'know, this is my current project in therapy. I'd never really thought about it in connection with the FAC.

I liked bullshit bad music because of them, I changed my opinions for them -- deeply-held opinions, ones I'd had for a long, long, long time -- I got intensely critical of other peoples' choices because the FAC was, even though those choices were ones I had never had a problem with previously.

I stopped writing. I stopped reading, except FAC-approved Christian books, and the bible, of course.

It probably sounds really really lame, but finding a damn TV show that I liked just because I liked it -- was a really liberating moment.

It's not lame, Steph. In one way or another, Joss's fictional universe has touched us all very deeply. Buffy and Angel remain my favorite television shows/works of fiction ever, and given how obsessive I was about some shows beforehand (Friends, etc.) that's not ever likely to change. It also brought me into contact with two wonderful groups of friends through the internet fandoms, and that's something I'll always be grateful for.