I know for me, it was easier to start suspecting some kind of pseudicide because I'd come to the conclusion that Gus was at least part Big Fishy some time ago -- but since it seemed benign I kept my lip zipped as if it turned out that I was wrong it would hurt a lot of people, most especially Gus.

(I note that I didn't know about the "book" nor about the runaround that tommyrot got with a possible car.)

And many more Buffistas had a lot more doings with him than me, such as charity or pay work -- when you've actually sent actual checks for actual work to an actual address, you're going to have a stronger reason to believe a guy than I did.

So it kind of makes sense that our collective community is processing Gus's "death" (or actual death) at different rates, especially those of us seeming to leap quickly ahead.

(It's sort of like learning your daughter is a Slayer... it's not going to be so much of a long-lasting shock if you've been noticing she's been coming home late at night with blood on her clothes.)

Me, I've moved from solely suspecting pseudicide to wondering if the guy who played Gus on the internets might really be dead. If he is, I would love the honor of being the first at a Buffista gathering to lift a glass in his honor with a "He fooled us but good" toast.

I can't believe we're actually dividing into neologism camps.

I can't believe you think you can have a muffelletta without olives!

No wait, I can because you already explained your beliefs on the subject.

There are always questions when someone dies. Do you demand answers with a bull horn or whispers?

Yes. And Yes. Both.

That has been my experience with every loss, ever. No one is immune. Look at the news. Does that make it okay if you are the one hurting? Of course not. But it isn't necessarily coming from an evil, uncaring place anymore than questioning things is inherently disrespectful.

copious almost gleeful pulling up posting and parsing of everything Gus ever said.

I wouldn't describe what happened like that.

Trudy, I think that everyone posting to this thread, except you, has bent over backwards to be respectful of other people's feelings and thoughts. And I will note that every other time there has been a discussion here about the actions of a poster, you rush to jump to one person's defense and insult or upset everyone else repeatedly in the process.

ETA: This is not me trying to attack you, Trudy. This is me pointing out a pattern I've noticed, and a bit of me asking you to stop and look at the reactions you're getting from people. There's a reason why.

I'm glad you posted, Trudy.

I think what it comes down to is that if we think our friend is alive, we see our actions with one lens, and if we think our friend is dead, we see it with another.

With Penlind, we had a private board, set up by Monique. Our own version of Bitch Cabal, or the BS Consenus 16 if you will, investigated the matter and once we BS Consensed that we had enough information to present the case that Penlind was a sham, chose the Mary Sueist of us to bring the info to the public board.

And still people believed in Penlind. I think because they were embarassed about being duped, and in some cases, like Trudy, were terrified of the miniscule chance that we were wrong.

In the case of "kimi," if I were her, I would have posted details on a service because obviously (to her) we "really loved him."

Trudy, you're not standing on any moral highground, here. And neither were the Penlind supporters. Forcing everyone to ignore the elephant in the room tends to get more and more difficult as the bullshit keeps piling up. Eventually, it's just going to be you in a pair of hipboots holding a candle to eulogize the death of an RPG character.

I think what it comes down to is that if we think our friend is alive, we see our actions with one lens, and if we think our friend is dead, we see it with another.

You're forgetting the option about not feeling quite so friendly after being jerked around.

Sorry, Vortex, I didn't mean to make it appear as if I was particularly responding to you using the word; I wrote that before seeing your post!

oh, no worries!

Yes, much of how I'll eventually feel is tied to whether or not "Gus" is really dead. If he decided to leave the board/identity by a sham death, that's a big betrayal of us all. It doesn't seem to square up with the genuine affection he gave and received -- he did real favors for people and the board as a whole. It seems way too dark an act that I have trouble believing that the man/person behind the curtain would do such a thing.

There are always questions when someone dies. Do you demand answers with a bull horn or whispers?

I've had to do both in my time, and I'll have to do it again. It's kind of in the job description. And I don't know if Gus was a real person or not. But I do know death. Rather well, actually. And I know I've rarely seen a death that didn't kick up questions -- sometimes minor questions, easily answerable questions, but questions nonetheless.

Because people are strange, inconsistent creatures, so inconsistencies in people's lives or stories of themselves don't throw me much. You only get to see people at an angle, and on the Internet, you only get to see them from a very narrow angle. Death's got a way of forcing everything into relief ... you realize how much you never saw of a person. Even an ostensibly fictional person whom a lot of people liked but no one really knew.

That realization is kind-of crazy making, and I think it's time for everyone to put those questions away. For a little while, at least. Step back and forgive each other and ourselves for emotions running high. It happens.