Crap. Clicked post too soon.

This is one of those situations where there *is* no win-win. There are those of us more emotionally driven and there are those of us who are more driven by truth and wanting to know more. And those are two very hard drives to reconcile within a community such as this.

Sorry, Vortex, I didn't mean to make it appear as if I was particularly responding to you using the word; I wrote that before seeing your post!

I don't remember who it was (cindy, maybe?), but I'd like to thank the person who had the courage to come forward. While there is perhaps legitimacy to the thought that we jumped on the pseuicide idea too quickly, I don't think that the quickness would have happened if there weren't many people with the same concerns.

What Vortex said.

It was a great relief to me to log on and see that others had similar doubts to myself (and for similar reasons), and that we were talking about it right away, and in public. I think letting things fester (or worse, taken backchannel) would have been very unhealthy for the community.

Pseudicide is a lot more self-explanatory, I'd say.

yes, but it sounds better. I mean, I'm a grammar nazi and all, but appreciate a good sniglet as well.

Woo! Thank you, Vortex.

I don't know much, but I know I love you.

Love you too, Aims. You big goober.

I can't believe we're actually dividing into neologism camps. (Yes, right, of course I can.)

While there has certainly been legitimate concern and questions and querys there has also been more than a little bit of wild speculation, chest beating at past wrongs on other boards, and copious almost gleeful pulling up posting and parsing of everything Gus ever said.

Gus posted for ages. He told interesting stories. At some point in those stories he got sick. His health was bad. It declined. As it declined he posted more infrequently and crankily. Have you ever seen a person get sick and degenerate? It's what they do.

Then we didn't hear from him for a while. Then someone, who matches the description of the girlfriend he'd referenced many times came and told us he had died.

We mourn for half. a. day.

Then questions pop up. There are inconsistencies! Is it that he was private with his internet info? (not uncommon) Is it that he embellished some of the stories he told? (SO not uncommon) Or tweaked the facts in the stories so as to protect his privacy? (pretty normal) Or even that he was degeneating mentally and confusing timelines of book deals? Oh no, that's too obvious...

It must be it was all a big scam (to no discernable end) and he never may have existed at all! (except that Brenda worked with him) And he faked his death! (since admin functions happened on another site with his log-on) And this is JUST LIKE (except that is isn't 'just like') some really dramatic things that happened on other boards and oh my gawd this could end up in a book!!!!!!!!

And for five hundred posts people talk about every rotten thing that ever happened to them on the internet and we psychoanalyze each other and Gus and this is so healthy and its our process and hey, Gus (if he exits) would really appreciate it from heaven and (if he doesn't) is mocking our sorrow somewhere! Mocking us! Laughing at the big joke he pulled on us for three or four years with wikis and blogs and contract work performed (both paid and voluntarily) for people here. People got all worked up and emotional and filled with righteous indignation. It was quite a sight.

This is respectful? This is how we respond to the news that a beloved person has died?

There are always questions when someone dies. Do you demand answers with a bull horn or whispers? Do you go rushing out and demand the truth, or do you poke around a little and find things out and then broach the subject with some delicacy?

In a few months we'll know if a Guy Straley died in America. If its confirmed will you be happy? Or sad?

I'm sad now. Just as I was 90% certain all along that he existed, I am now 90% certain that he has, after a long illness, passed away.

I am sad that after embracing his widow for twenty or thirty posts we question her. I am sad that a community I see as caring is more concerned with their own history of internet trauma than with the loss of one of their own. I'm sad to see how much fun some people had with this.

And if "Gus" logs on tomorrow and laughs and it turns out it was some sort of weird stunt I'll be sad.

And if it turns out we never know, (Guy Staley was a pseud. on a pseud., he died outside the US with his son, etc.) I'll still be sad.

I'm not snide. I'm way past snide. I'm heartbroken.

I know for me, it was easier to start suspecting some kind of pseudicide because I'd come to the conclusion that Gus was at least part Big Fishy some time ago -- but since it seemed benign I kept my lip zipped as if it turned out that I was wrong it would hurt a lot of people, most especially Gus.

(I note that I didn't know about the "book" nor about the runaround that tommyrot got with a possible car.)

And many more Buffistas had a lot more doings with him than me, such as charity or pay work -- when you've actually sent actual checks for actual work to an actual address, you're going to have a stronger reason to believe a guy than I did.

So it kind of makes sense that our collective community is processing Gus's "death" (or actual death) at different rates, especially those of us seeming to leap quickly ahead.

(It's sort of like learning your daughter is a Slayer... it's not going to be so much of a long-lasting shock if you've been noticing she's been coming home late at night with blood on her clothes.)

Me, I've moved from solely suspecting pseudicide to wondering if the guy who played Gus on the internets might really be dead. If he is, I would love the honor of being the first at a Buffista gathering to lift a glass in his honor with a "He fooled us but good" toast.

I can't believe we're actually dividing into neologism camps.

I can't believe you think you can have a muffelletta without olives!

No wait, I can because you already explained your beliefs on the subject.

There are always questions when someone dies. Do you demand answers with a bull horn or whispers?

Yes. And Yes. Both.

That has been my experience with every loss, ever. No one is immune. Look at the news. Does that make it okay if you are the one hurting? Of course not. But it isn't necessarily coming from an evil, uncaring place anymore than questioning things is inherently disrespectful.